Don't Stop Believin' and Fashion Pet-Peeve

Well, I am back in the City of Brotherly Love for 3 days before departing to Mississippi for 10. My goodness time flies. I left Colorado today and I talked to my sister for a bit this evening. She said she cried after I left. It is hard to describe what I feel right now. I realize how much I love my family and how important they are to me. I also feel like I am at home here in Philly, lying on my bed, typing my blog. Tomorrow, I move to further West Philadelphia, away from Campus and a totally new lifestyle for me. I am sad to leave the dorms, but glad to transition into a non-student lifestyle, whatever that means. All I know is I will have a great roommate, 2 kitties and a kitchen. Whoop whoop!! Oh, and crime, but hopefully not perpetrated on yours truly. There is crime where I am now as well.

This new year brings me hope. Last year was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, like a friggin' roller coaster. This year will be full of change and promise. I will have an internship, followed by a Master's Degree (MS after my name starting in August) followed by, *gasp* a job! Woo hoo!! By the way, no news from the UNIFEM regarding my internship. Maybe they are arguing over finding me funding-ha ha HA!

You'll be glad to know I have found my newest fashion pet-peeve: women who wear designer either velure or sweatsuits to travel on planes. My inner fashionista scoffs at those who wear these clothes outside of going to or from the gym. That, my friends, is the ONLY acceptable time to wear such suits. I like being comfortable too, however, just because your velure says "GUESS?" in rhinestones does not make it any more acceptable to be a slob. Wearing your sunglasses inside does not mean people think you are cool. Most likely, especially when paired with the aforementioned suit, we will just think you are a hung-over hussy of sorts who obviously thinks the world owes her. Yes, I am being a bit judgemental, but please, show some respect for the rest of us by not dressing like a lazy, entitled slob. This is not classy, ladies. Try trashy.

Back to myself

Hi! I feel more like myself, finally recovered from the end of the semester and Christmas. I don't have much time, but wanted to give an update. Sunday, I return to Philly to move to a new zip code. Very exciting. I have been checking out furniture on line and want to go to a local 2nd hand store to see what they have to offer. I need call my friend to see if he can loan me his air mattress in the mean time. I litterally have no furniture. On the 3rd, I am off to Mississippi for 10 days, only to return and start the spring semester. I am excited and nervous about moving - it will be a lifestyle change for me. Instead of being a 5 minute walk from class, I will be about a 15-20 minute walk, taking the shuttle home in the evenings. I cannot be out alone after dark, which doesn't sound like much until you realize that 2 of my friends live a couple blocks from me and, well, what if we want to study together?? I know it will all work the way it needs to.

I caught up with my boss today and I am glad I got to see him. The firm is keepin' on keepin' on, which is good. He said it is a totally different place without me around.

Well, I am off like a herd of turtles, but until next time, Happy New Year just in case I don't get to write before then!

Loved

Enough of the gloom and doom of the last entry. I finally feel like myself--no longer a shell but an actual person! I saw my dear friend, Manuel (Calabastard) on Monday night and went to his going away potluck last night. Being around him reminds me of how loved I am. He loves me the way I am and we are such close friends--it is so comfortable. The kind where I will send my kids to spend the summer with Uncle Manuel in Valencia, Spain. That kind of friend. I will miss him so much, but I know we will remain close and, hey, France is not that far from Macedonia, compared to Philly.

Today, I am off to see my Grandpa who is in hospice and my Gramma who is worn out from commuting between the care center and home. I spent two days with my other Gramma who is pretty much herself, despite the stroke, only a bit more snippy. It is so wonderful to spend time with these relatives. The only person I really miss spending time with is my Momma, but she is off work next week so there will be lots of quality time.

Ok, off to Grampa's!!

What do you do?

Hello friends. I am writing from my Gramma's house in Colorado. It is great to be back, although I still feel as though I am recovering. I have been thinking about a situation I was in prior to leaving Philly for the past few days and am not sure where to go from here. What do you do when you feel you have been treated unfairly? I am not talking about being treated unfairly by a stranger or as a customer but on a much more personal level. I feel as though I was not given a chance and, dare I say it, a bit deceived, whether intentionally or not. Do I confront the person? Do I let it burn and deal with it myself? How do I fight for myself without exposing myself in the process? I was hoping that by being in my parents' and gramma's homes, I would feel better and be able to "move on", especially after some much needed rest, but I am finding myself deeply saddened today. I know it is not the person, but rather the idea that was lost and I know, in the end, I will be better off and ultimately, it is not my loss, but right now, that is of little comfort. How to I let people know that they might feel they know me after meeting me only a couple times because I am open and honest, but that, like everyone else, there is more than meets the eye? On one hand, what you see is what you get with me - I am a very genuine person. On the other hand, well, you get the picture...

One Paper to go and Moving!

Ok so that is not the most flattering picture of all time, but I'll survive. I am in the throws of writing a statistics paper and preparing the presentation for class tomorrow. My birthday gift to myself is getting my work done tonight so I can enjoy the morning tomorrow!
I am also going to have to spend the evening after my four hour class packing. As it turns out, I get to move and so, as if I do not have enough to do, I must be all packed by the time I leave for Colorado on Saturday. Joy. Bring on the Dancing Horses!

Application to intern with UNIFEM. Check.

I turned in my UNIFEM application yesterday so now begins the waiting. It was not as traumatic as I expected. I remember applying to Penn at the beginning of the summer and my stomach was so upset the day I mailed everything off. I continued to be a bundle of nerves until they told me a month later of my acceptance. Then came the whirlwind of figuring everything out to move 2000+ miles...this is much less emotional and I will just wait. I have to get an internship no matter what so if I don't end up in the Balkans and stay in DC or NYC, that would be ok with me. I just can't believe I am already lining up things for the summer and I should be applying for jobs. My insecurity from the prior blog is eased a bit and it could all be due to exhaustion.

I am going to Mississippi on January 1st. This is very exciting, but the idea of being back to work in 3 weeks or so is a bit overwhelming. I leave for Colorado on Saturday and imagine I will sleep for many days. I talked with my Gramma last night and we are planning to put many puzzles together over the break. She was so sad I was only going to be around for a couple weeks so I suggested she simply move to live near me, once I am settled. Which could be never.

This brings me to the subject of my birthday, which is fast approaching. I will be 29 in 3 days and am thinking a lot about my future. Part of this thing with UNIFEM is considering that I am not getting any younger and if I ever want to have a family, maybe trotting around the globe is not the way to go about it. The overriding feeling, however, is that if this opportunity arises, I must take it. I really have no control over my life (none of us do) so staying Stateside does not ensure anything more than traveling abroad does. All I can do is make the best decision I can with the information I have. And, remember that when people are my Gramma's age, 80, they don't regret what they did; they regret what they didn't do.

The Ball of Insecurity

I am totally insecure right now. I think it is because I am about to send off my application to UNIFEM's internship program. I am not insecure about not getting it; I am insecure because I think I stand a very good chance of getting the position. They would want me for 6-9 months and I would work somewhere in the Balkans doing women's empowerment. It would be unbelievable. What's making me so insecure? Well, the logistics of the whole thing. I would not be paid a dime while doing this internship. So I will either need to find funding or borrow, once again, against my future. I would be responsible for getting my visa to work in said country (I think it is Macedonia, but I am not sure). And I do not speak one word of any of the languages in the region. Basically, getting the internship appears to be, at this point, the easiest part of the process. I have to remind myself 2 things. First: I don't actually have the internship. Second: I vowed I would not make decisions based on fear and this will be no exception. Onward.

The Weight

Some of you may know the song "The Weight" by Aretha Franklin. The band, Nazareth, covered it and it is on the Easy Rider soundtrack. Maybe they sang it first. Any how, I feel like my final papers, projects and presentations are physically weighing me down. I am not eating nor sleeping much. And this is not by choice. I simply can't.

We turn in our Economics paper on NAFTA tomorrow and I cannot wait for that to be done. I spent more hours on my 2.5 page contribution than I ever thought I could because you would think there would be loads of research on NAFTA, illegal immigration and agriculture in the U.S. Well, think again! I can find all those subjects separately, but together, HA HA HA HA! I read my 2.5 pages to Nona and she said it was dense, jam packed full of info. This is why I love econ. No fluff, just facts. Maybe it is because I am shallow :D I don't have do these weird interpretations, just say a+b=c and boom, that is it. I don't have to discuss suffering, pain, exploitation...just say that migration is caused by wage fluctuations in either Mexico or the U.S. Once the wage gap is narrowed, it migration will slow. Done. How do you narrow the wage gap? I don't know, but I don't have to! It is beautiful. I even threw in the U.S. GDP in 1999. 9.1 trillion, fyi.

Now, for a change of pace, I am going to read for my Poverty, Welfare and Work class. I am under my covers, snuggly watching the snow fall and contemplating corporate responsibility. Oh joy.

Faint

I finally realized how busy I am today. I did not eat anything until 12:15 today and I woke up at 7 AM. I am so faint, waiting for my food to register in my stomach. Now, I never thought I would be one of those people who got so into their work, they forgot to eat. I have known several of them and never understood them. Until today. I am now at work, trying not to be crabby and pass out while I wait for my chicken noodle soup to digest. What am I becoming???

The Ethical Dilemma

I received an email from one of next semester's professors with our book list and an assignment to read prior to our first class in January. Besides wanting to immediately breakdown into tears because I do not know how I am going to get through THIS semester I am thinking that I have a real opportunity to buy my textbooks cheaply on-line. And here enters the ethical dilemma. I thought I would try to buy my textbooks through UPromise, because, come on, every $1.27 helps in paying down my student loans. Well, guess who has 2 of my books for less than $26, including shipping. Wal-Mart. That's right, WallyWorld. Now, I have vowed to avoid Wal-Mart if at all possible because not only do they not pay living wages nor have decent fringe benefits, they have a history of gendered wage discrimination, which just offends me. But my books are $26, shipped to my door. How could I possibly go into women's empowerment issues, yet shop at a store that, which, among its other negative qualities, is doing exactly what I am fighting against? I can't. As much as I want to save the money, my conscience won't let me. Not off the backs of America's working poor. The thing that is sad is I considered doing it. And I had to blog about it to re-enforce my values. Oh well, Wal-Mart will be $26 poorer this year. Take that!

Semi-boring update

I do not have strep, thank God. The doctor gave me a prescription that is a combination of sudafed and mucinex and I feel a lot better. For those of you keeping track, this is my 4th prescription in 3 weeks. So lame.

I can't remember if I told you they cut the mold out of my room, but they did, finally. Now, there is this drywall being plastered in, not painted, air duct grill removed is still sitting on a shelf with all my pictures, uncleaned. I understand not putting the grill back on until the painting is done, but, get this: they closed my ticket, saying the work is complete. Um, no. It isn't. Meanwhile, I have to forward my doctor's note, my correspondence with Facilities (the people supposedly doing the work in my room) and any pictures I have to some lady in the administration of housing so I can get out of my contract and move off campus. So, that is my project, on top of the 6 papers and 3 presentations all due within the next 2.5 weeks.

No rest for the weary. I will be graceful under pressure, like the pic I posted with this blog. That is the goal. And eating right.

Leather Pants and Strep?

Not even 5 hours after posting about Mr. Canada and there is a lady at work wearing leather pants. She is not a lady I work with, she is just hanging out at the Grad Student Center. Today is rainy, not too cold, but definitely damp. Now, I would think that if I were to own leather pants, I would not want to wear them in the rain. Firstly, they are friggin' expensive and why subject my leather pants to water damage? Did she spray them with weather-proofing spray? That stuff is toxic. Toxicity aside, grad students are not known to be wealthy so subjecting leather pants to the elements seems a bit extravegent. Maybe she had a date or a hot tutoring session. Maybe I don't understand why one would wear leather pants.

So my throat is sore. I am sure you are tired of reading about my maladies. Indeed, my throat was bothering me in Buffalo. I haven't had strep in so long, I wouldn't know what to do but I guess I get to make another trip to Student Health tomorrow. Ugh. I am sick of being sick. Seriously, I am no hypochondriac. Ask my mother. If I have to go on antibiotics again, I will consider crying.

Good news. By the end of this week, 3 of my 8 papers/projects will be done. I have 2 next week and 3 the following week. Wish me and my immune system luck.

O Canada

As promised in a prior blog entry, I will now write about another of fashion's recent victims. I use the term "fashion" liberally here. Driving back from Buffalo yesterday, I saw a man in a rest stop wearing a sweatsuit outfit. The shirt was gray with CANADA written in red across the center. I think there was a Canadian flag involved. Pants: red stripe down the side, gray with a small Canadian flag and the word CANADA written in, you guessed it, red letters below the flag on the right hip, in the front. Enter the white Nikes with a red swoosh and we have a complete Canada outfit. There was a short discussion over whether this man was a proud Canadian or simply returning from his most likely first visit to our neighbors to the north. We decided he was not Canadian. I like Canada and Canadians - shoot, my maternal grandmother IS Canadian, but I must actively veto this ensemble. It is not acceptable for any country on this planet unless you are a professional soccer player, showing up for practice at the World Cup. Only then, with all of your other teammates is this an appropriate place for an entire sweat suit outfit with your country of choices colors, flag and matching shoes.

Back in Philly!

I am sitting in my room, which appears to have a section of the moldy wall removed. I still want to move but at least my stamping feet, tears and constant advocacy got some forward movement. I don't trust that the mold is completely gone nor do I trust that my carpet's been steamed to remove any mold that might still be lingering. However, the progress is heartening.

I have 8 papers or projects due in the next three weeks. It looks like I will be more busy than I ever thought I could ever be! Thankfully, I had the most wonderfully rejuvenating and relaxing weekend in Buffalo. I cannot express how gracious and endearing Nona's parents are to me. Their generosity and warmth are what I hope to pass on to others in my life.

Nona, Seth and I had a fabulous time and the highlight was dinner at the Bonefish Grill with our friend, Charles, from Penn and my friend from undergrad and his sister. Dinner was delicious - yay fish! and the company was fab. I felt like a real person as opposed to a strung out grad student. Oh, and my red coat - to die for.

Duty calls. I will do my best to keep this thing updated in the next three weeks. Until next time, take care.

I am Fabulous, Fed and Rested

Wow, what a great weekend we are having. I cannot express my gratitude to Nona's parents for having us, cooking for us, letting us stay in their home...Nona and I are improving our Spades skills - watch out!! We are soooo good. At least in our humble opinion. Even though we didn't win any of the overall games, we have improved immensely.
Today, we go to Niagara Falls, out to dinner with friends and work on my paper. Yesterday, we braved the Black Friday crowds and made some beautiful purchases, knit, enjoyed whiskey eggnog - delicious - and Nona's Mom's amazing cooking.
My health is improving a bit, although my throat is still sore and I cough off and on. Just being in a real home surrounded by parental love and affection is a remedy all in itself.
5 Things I am Thankful for...
1. My Family, Friends, and their various pets
2. My rosy disposition and sense of humor
3. Coffee and comfort food
4. My laptop
5. The fact that this list could go on and on and on and on...
Your turn!

More thoughts about shallowness, the great ear update and Self-Advocacy

Wow, I am loving this discussion about shallowness, blogs and how we all interpret things. One thing I take from this is that we (the royal we) are too self-critical. So what if I am not constantly writing academic or awe-inspiring pieces...the real issue is: what is the point of my blog? I agree with Brooke - it depends on the day.

So, this is what is up for today. I now have to put antibiotic ear drops in my ear where the ear drum burst. The good news is that there is not longer a hole in my eardrum. The frustrating news is that there is still liquid in my ear. So, the doctor prescribed me these ear drops and flonase nasal spray because my sinuses are bothering me. He asked if I had allergies and I told that I didn't and I believe this is due to the MOLD that is STILL in my room!!!! He seemed alarmed but didn't make a direct comment to my self-diagnosis which makes me think that if this were caused by mold, Student Health would never say that it could be causing the problem because I live in student housing, and therefore, might have a case against the school for an environmentally hazardous living situation. I have now emailed the head of Facilities, the head of my building and cc'd my Dad. I have to self-advocate and it is so difficult! Practicing what you preach is hard work. I find that I have fight the impulse to explain why I am frustrated - um, it is friggin obvious, yet a habit. I also feel - get this - guilty for being a thorn in their side. Why on EARTH do I feel this way? Is it because I have been on the receiving end of angry client calls while working at the law firm? I don't know, but I can tell you, my frustration with being on 3 prescriptions, having been to the doctor twice in 2 weeks not feeling well and just being down right angry overrides any guilt. If there is no forward movement, i.e., the friggin' mold is not out of my room by the time I return from Buffalo, I will look into legal action.

Ok, One additional guilty pleasure and shallow?

Ok, folks, I forgot one guilty pleasure that is key to my existence. I LOVE getting my hair cut, colored and styled about every 8 weeks. You read correctly. 8 weeks. I justify this expense (believe me, it is an expense) by saying that I must present myself well if I will ever get ahead, and gosh darn it, having good hair makes me feel fabulous.

Upon reading one of my friends' blog, I realized how shallow my blog is. All it is about is me and I am not even reflecting on "me" or my experiences! I ask myself why this is and I don't really know. Does this tie into Guilty pleasure #6 (see below)? I am somehow light hearted and super intense (go figure that one out)...maybe it is because I am not much of an intellectual. Sure, I can go on and on about the different schools of thought around what causes poverty in America, but ask me something "deep", and well, I just don't go there. You ask me what is the meaning of life and my simple answer is "this" or "living the dream". Maybe it is because I can't articulate my thoughts...I dunno. I can't really ponder much of anything because, upon simple reflection, I am a "fixer". If you lament over something, my first impulse is to try to help you figure out how to "fix" it. You say you just don't feel like there are enough hours in the day and my first response, after, "tell me about it" is "is there anything you can do to make your transition between tasks more efficient?" Ask Nona, my Mother, my Sister, Manuel...this is what I do. I have been told I am a good listener. I think I am an active listener. Hmmm. Maybe my blog isn't so shallow any more. At least this time...

My 6 Guilty Pleasures...

My friend, Brooke, asked me to participate on blogging my 6 guilty pleasures. I think this is a particularly difficult assignment for me because I really try to avoid feeling guilty about much of anything or doing things I feel guilty about. Anyways, here goes...

1. Listening to music or NPR, constantly. No matter what I am doing, I am listening to SOMETHING. Whether it be researching, blogging, writing or playing a game, there is always something in the background. NPR is a particular guilty pleasure while getting ready for my day in the morning and I am not a member. I am a "free-rider" in the true economic sense of the word.

2. Eating all of my meals out. I blame the fact that I eat all of my meals out because I do not have a kitchen and my mini fridge and microwave don't really cut it. I should get a crock pot. I should use my mini toaster/oven...

3. Drinking expensive martinis. While I rarely drink martinis (or in general), when I do get a martini, it is usually Kettle One, Grey Goose or Bombay Sapphire. I will not have a cheap vodka or gin in this drink and I like it a touch on the dirty side - always with olives.

4. Going to my knitting circle. I go to my knitting circle every Monday night, regardless of deadlines and how close I am to meeting those deadlines. I justify this by saying that since I started the knitting circle, I HAVE to go, but that is simply not true. There are plenty of folks who go and I certainly don't have to be there.

5. Watching the same three movies. All the time. Upon going to graduate school, I have had a particularly difficult time falling asleep at night. I cannot shut my mind down so how better to silence the thoughts than watching "The Big Lebowski", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (the new one), or "Finding Nemo" for the 100th time? Since my comfort food is coffee with cream and Splenda, this is a good substitute when sleep is warranted. Maybe I'll shake things up and watch "Pirates II Dead Man's Chest" tonight.

6. Loving everything and everyone (for the most part). This sounds cheesy, but I seriously do love almost everyone in my life and everything I do, too much. Just ask my friends. I always "love this movie" or that is my "favorite song, book, food, person", etc. If you don't know me, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but if you do know me, you almost everything makes me laugh and I enjoy wholeheartedly everything I do. I love story telling and involving people in my life. This is why all of you will come visit me, so you can truly experience my moldy room, fabulous classes and the joy that is my life at Penn. And the freezing cold wind. Oh, and Philadelphia. Did I mention I haven't left Philly city limits in almost 3 months?

Your turn.

Resume updated. Check.

So, instead of going on an incredibly hot date, I stayed home tonight and updated my resume. I really want to get that internship with UNIFEM. I sent my resume to my advisor, my Dad and my friend to look it over before I send it off and friggin pray. I am not worried about my future, for the first time in my life. I cannot explain the calm I feel right now, despite my hellish end to the semester that will be upon me soon. If any of you want to look my resume over and offer me suggestions, just let me know. I would appreciate constructive criticism. But it has to be quick. Like by the 18th at the latest. Good night for now, dear friends.

Too Cute

Is that not the cutest pic? I found it on lol cats. If you are ever bored, this is a great website. That or www.engrish.com