Don't Stop Believin' and Fashion Pet-Peeve

Well, I am back in the City of Brotherly Love for 3 days before departing to Mississippi for 10. My goodness time flies. I left Colorado today and I talked to my sister for a bit this evening. She said she cried after I left. It is hard to describe what I feel right now. I realize how much I love my family and how important they are to me. I also feel like I am at home here in Philly, lying on my bed, typing my blog. Tomorrow, I move to further West Philadelphia, away from Campus and a totally new lifestyle for me. I am sad to leave the dorms, but glad to transition into a non-student lifestyle, whatever that means. All I know is I will have a great roommate, 2 kitties and a kitchen. Whoop whoop!! Oh, and crime, but hopefully not perpetrated on yours truly. There is crime where I am now as well.

This new year brings me hope. Last year was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G, like a friggin' roller coaster. This year will be full of change and promise. I will have an internship, followed by a Master's Degree (MS after my name starting in August) followed by, *gasp* a job! Woo hoo!! By the way, no news from the UNIFEM regarding my internship. Maybe they are arguing over finding me funding-ha ha HA!

You'll be glad to know I have found my newest fashion pet-peeve: women who wear designer either velure or sweatsuits to travel on planes. My inner fashionista scoffs at those who wear these clothes outside of going to or from the gym. That, my friends, is the ONLY acceptable time to wear such suits. I like being comfortable too, however, just because your velure says "GUESS?" in rhinestones does not make it any more acceptable to be a slob. Wearing your sunglasses inside does not mean people think you are cool. Most likely, especially when paired with the aforementioned suit, we will just think you are a hung-over hussy of sorts who obviously thinks the world owes her. Yes, I am being a bit judgemental, but please, show some respect for the rest of us by not dressing like a lazy, entitled slob. This is not classy, ladies. Try trashy.

Back to myself

Hi! I feel more like myself, finally recovered from the end of the semester and Christmas. I don't have much time, but wanted to give an update. Sunday, I return to Philly to move to a new zip code. Very exciting. I have been checking out furniture on line and want to go to a local 2nd hand store to see what they have to offer. I need call my friend to see if he can loan me his air mattress in the mean time. I litterally have no furniture. On the 3rd, I am off to Mississippi for 10 days, only to return and start the spring semester. I am excited and nervous about moving - it will be a lifestyle change for me. Instead of being a 5 minute walk from class, I will be about a 15-20 minute walk, taking the shuttle home in the evenings. I cannot be out alone after dark, which doesn't sound like much until you realize that 2 of my friends live a couple blocks from me and, well, what if we want to study together?? I know it will all work the way it needs to.

I caught up with my boss today and I am glad I got to see him. The firm is keepin' on keepin' on, which is good. He said it is a totally different place without me around.

Well, I am off like a herd of turtles, but until next time, Happy New Year just in case I don't get to write before then!

Loved

Enough of the gloom and doom of the last entry. I finally feel like myself--no longer a shell but an actual person! I saw my dear friend, Manuel (Calabastard) on Monday night and went to his going away potluck last night. Being around him reminds me of how loved I am. He loves me the way I am and we are such close friends--it is so comfortable. The kind where I will send my kids to spend the summer with Uncle Manuel in Valencia, Spain. That kind of friend. I will miss him so much, but I know we will remain close and, hey, France is not that far from Macedonia, compared to Philly.

Today, I am off to see my Grandpa who is in hospice and my Gramma who is worn out from commuting between the care center and home. I spent two days with my other Gramma who is pretty much herself, despite the stroke, only a bit more snippy. It is so wonderful to spend time with these relatives. The only person I really miss spending time with is my Momma, but she is off work next week so there will be lots of quality time.

Ok, off to Grampa's!!

What do you do?

Hello friends. I am writing from my Gramma's house in Colorado. It is great to be back, although I still feel as though I am recovering. I have been thinking about a situation I was in prior to leaving Philly for the past few days and am not sure where to go from here. What do you do when you feel you have been treated unfairly? I am not talking about being treated unfairly by a stranger or as a customer but on a much more personal level. I feel as though I was not given a chance and, dare I say it, a bit deceived, whether intentionally or not. Do I confront the person? Do I let it burn and deal with it myself? How do I fight for myself without exposing myself in the process? I was hoping that by being in my parents' and gramma's homes, I would feel better and be able to "move on", especially after some much needed rest, but I am finding myself deeply saddened today. I know it is not the person, but rather the idea that was lost and I know, in the end, I will be better off and ultimately, it is not my loss, but right now, that is of little comfort. How to I let people know that they might feel they know me after meeting me only a couple times because I am open and honest, but that, like everyone else, there is more than meets the eye? On one hand, what you see is what you get with me - I am a very genuine person. On the other hand, well, you get the picture...

One Paper to go and Moving!

Ok so that is not the most flattering picture of all time, but I'll survive. I am in the throws of writing a statistics paper and preparing the presentation for class tomorrow. My birthday gift to myself is getting my work done tonight so I can enjoy the morning tomorrow!
I am also going to have to spend the evening after my four hour class packing. As it turns out, I get to move and so, as if I do not have enough to do, I must be all packed by the time I leave for Colorado on Saturday. Joy. Bring on the Dancing Horses!

Application to intern with UNIFEM. Check.

I turned in my UNIFEM application yesterday so now begins the waiting. It was not as traumatic as I expected. I remember applying to Penn at the beginning of the summer and my stomach was so upset the day I mailed everything off. I continued to be a bundle of nerves until they told me a month later of my acceptance. Then came the whirlwind of figuring everything out to move 2000+ miles...this is much less emotional and I will just wait. I have to get an internship no matter what so if I don't end up in the Balkans and stay in DC or NYC, that would be ok with me. I just can't believe I am already lining up things for the summer and I should be applying for jobs. My insecurity from the prior blog is eased a bit and it could all be due to exhaustion.

I am going to Mississippi on January 1st. This is very exciting, but the idea of being back to work in 3 weeks or so is a bit overwhelming. I leave for Colorado on Saturday and imagine I will sleep for many days. I talked with my Gramma last night and we are planning to put many puzzles together over the break. She was so sad I was only going to be around for a couple weeks so I suggested she simply move to live near me, once I am settled. Which could be never.

This brings me to the subject of my birthday, which is fast approaching. I will be 29 in 3 days and am thinking a lot about my future. Part of this thing with UNIFEM is considering that I am not getting any younger and if I ever want to have a family, maybe trotting around the globe is not the way to go about it. The overriding feeling, however, is that if this opportunity arises, I must take it. I really have no control over my life (none of us do) so staying Stateside does not ensure anything more than traveling abroad does. All I can do is make the best decision I can with the information I have. And, remember that when people are my Gramma's age, 80, they don't regret what they did; they regret what they didn't do.

The Ball of Insecurity

I am totally insecure right now. I think it is because I am about to send off my application to UNIFEM's internship program. I am not insecure about not getting it; I am insecure because I think I stand a very good chance of getting the position. They would want me for 6-9 months and I would work somewhere in the Balkans doing women's empowerment. It would be unbelievable. What's making me so insecure? Well, the logistics of the whole thing. I would not be paid a dime while doing this internship. So I will either need to find funding or borrow, once again, against my future. I would be responsible for getting my visa to work in said country (I think it is Macedonia, but I am not sure). And I do not speak one word of any of the languages in the region. Basically, getting the internship appears to be, at this point, the easiest part of the process. I have to remind myself 2 things. First: I don't actually have the internship. Second: I vowed I would not make decisions based on fear and this will be no exception. Onward.

The Weight

Some of you may know the song "The Weight" by Aretha Franklin. The band, Nazareth, covered it and it is on the Easy Rider soundtrack. Maybe they sang it first. Any how, I feel like my final papers, projects and presentations are physically weighing me down. I am not eating nor sleeping much. And this is not by choice. I simply can't.

We turn in our Economics paper on NAFTA tomorrow and I cannot wait for that to be done. I spent more hours on my 2.5 page contribution than I ever thought I could because you would think there would be loads of research on NAFTA, illegal immigration and agriculture in the U.S. Well, think again! I can find all those subjects separately, but together, HA HA HA HA! I read my 2.5 pages to Nona and she said it was dense, jam packed full of info. This is why I love econ. No fluff, just facts. Maybe it is because I am shallow :D I don't have do these weird interpretations, just say a+b=c and boom, that is it. I don't have to discuss suffering, pain, exploitation...just say that migration is caused by wage fluctuations in either Mexico or the U.S. Once the wage gap is narrowed, it migration will slow. Done. How do you narrow the wage gap? I don't know, but I don't have to! It is beautiful. I even threw in the U.S. GDP in 1999. 9.1 trillion, fyi.

Now, for a change of pace, I am going to read for my Poverty, Welfare and Work class. I am under my covers, snuggly watching the snow fall and contemplating corporate responsibility. Oh joy.

Faint

I finally realized how busy I am today. I did not eat anything until 12:15 today and I woke up at 7 AM. I am so faint, waiting for my food to register in my stomach. Now, I never thought I would be one of those people who got so into their work, they forgot to eat. I have known several of them and never understood them. Until today. I am now at work, trying not to be crabby and pass out while I wait for my chicken noodle soup to digest. What am I becoming???

The Ethical Dilemma

I received an email from one of next semester's professors with our book list and an assignment to read prior to our first class in January. Besides wanting to immediately breakdown into tears because I do not know how I am going to get through THIS semester I am thinking that I have a real opportunity to buy my textbooks cheaply on-line. And here enters the ethical dilemma. I thought I would try to buy my textbooks through UPromise, because, come on, every $1.27 helps in paying down my student loans. Well, guess who has 2 of my books for less than $26, including shipping. Wal-Mart. That's right, WallyWorld. Now, I have vowed to avoid Wal-Mart if at all possible because not only do they not pay living wages nor have decent fringe benefits, they have a history of gendered wage discrimination, which just offends me. But my books are $26, shipped to my door. How could I possibly go into women's empowerment issues, yet shop at a store that, which, among its other negative qualities, is doing exactly what I am fighting against? I can't. As much as I want to save the money, my conscience won't let me. Not off the backs of America's working poor. The thing that is sad is I considered doing it. And I had to blog about it to re-enforce my values. Oh well, Wal-Mart will be $26 poorer this year. Take that!