New Blog Started!!

Hello! I forgot to tell you that I started a new blog chronically my adventures with UNIFEM and, potentially, beyond. You can check it out by clicking on the link to the right. I am still trying to decide whether to keep this one going or not. Cheers!

Back to the Blog

My apologies, friends, for being away so long. This past week was a whirlwind of activities for yours truly. My parents came on Wednesday to visit and just left yesterday morning. We had a fantastic time! They helped me pack and I got to introduce them to my professors, the Dean and Philly. It is never enough time, but I am so grateful they were able to come in the first place. I was presented with the Dean's Citation for scholarship, social justice, innovation and, um, something else...I can't remember...but it is very cool and I am humbled by the award. I never expected it and I am the first recipient of it so it is quite an honor. My parents are very proud. Their trip's highlight was dinner with Nona and I at a Balkan restaurant here in Philly. The evening was delicious and wonderful. It was amazing and I am very excited about moving to Macedonia on Wednesday.

Can you believe it, Wednesday!!! I have a few things to wrap up, but I moved out of my apartment today, had breakfast in South Philly with Nona and Seth and am now at the Grad Center trying to relax. I have not been sleeping well. No doubt, it is the move/transition...my dreams are on the verge of being nightmares, but it is ok. I will have plenty of time to catch up on the plane rides! TTFN, friends.

Leaving Sansom East

I stayed with my roommate from last semester last night and I realized leaving this morning that I really liked living on campus. I did not like my room, per se, but I like the people and the location. I don't regret moving out - Sesu has been a great roommate, the walk in is relaxing and I forged better friendships with my friends in my program who live out there-but the sense of deja vu was interesting to note this morning.

Let's see...in other news, I chatted with a woman my age who did the peace corps in Moldova and it was very interesting to get a woman's perspective on Eastern Europe. From what I can gather, it will be fairly inexpensive and I will stick out due the fact that I have reddish hair and am not petite, oh and I am an American. Basically, I will be a heifer. That is ok. I expected that. Many of my friends are petite so I am used to feeling like a giant. It is good to know though.

Ok, back to knitting!

Hired Moving Company, check!

I have hired a moving company to move me from my home in SouthWest Philly to my storage locker in South Philly. It may sound frivolous given that I have no money, but trust me, it is not. I have this ridiculously heavy, beautiful bureau (yes, the one I wrote about in January) and I live on the 3rd floor. Now, I would like to keep my friends as well as maintain good back health, both for me and for them. I now have a deadline to get everything packed and I can do it! I know I can! I may have to rent a car to follow the guys to the storage locker...or I could ride with them back to their place in South Philly and walk....I dunno...

This is one more thing I can check off as done, hooray! Now, I just have to get everything ready to go. I am a bit bummed because I lost my student id on the way into campus. I think it fell out of my pocket. I will get a new one after work...2 weeks, my friends! 2 weeks!

2 weeks, but who's counting?

So, can you believe I fly away in 2 weeks? I finally got my storage locker taken care of and $300 something later, I am in a storage locker in South Philly through the end of February. It is indoors and not too far from the elevator. I can check off one more thing as "done". My parents come in a week. Excitement! You can see the picture of my Momma and me when I was in Colorado for Spring Break. It will be great to have them here. I have a feeling the Stress Monkey will be in full force!

In another note, I am not trying to be a downer, but I have been so sad the past 2 or 3 days. I think that I am very excited about my journey, but it will be lonely for a while. I will eat my meals alone, come home to an empty apartment and be traveling. Traveling ensures many solo meals and lots of knitting to relax. It is not all doom and gloom. I know it is a tremendous adventure! But it will be lonely, at least at first.

Storage Unit, Check

I can cross off one more item on my trans-Atlantic move. On Monday, I am going to see my new 5'X 5' storage unit. Hopefully it is big enough for the few items I want to store here. Part of me wants to get rid of everything, but the other part of me thinks that if I do come back to the States after my internship, it would be nice to not have to start over completely. What does a poor grad student have to store since they moved out with a Jeep Liberty full of stuff? You would ask...well, you may remember that I bought a used, beautiful bureau at the beginning of the semester. I would like to keep that. I also have a microwave, mini fridge, and books. Oh and a bicycle. So I don't anticipate that much stuff, but it is enough to warrant renting space for a month. I am getting rid of the futon since one of the cats peed on it (they have since been banished), but I could not, in good conscience, give a futon with cat pee on it to anyone. It is gross enough that I still have it. So, my packing of the room will consist of 3 piles: Macedonia, Storage, Toss...I am hoping to pack right and really get rid of crap. I think I have a mild case of pack-rat syndrome. But who doesn't need travel sized free gifts from cosmetic companies?? I mean, seriously, you NEVER know when that will come in handy. I know I have 10, but still, maybe I am feeling more vanilla-y than verbena-y on this trip. See, I can ship that stuff to fill in the cracks. I am going to Bratislava, after all. Who knows where is next. I really hope I can get a furnished apartment in Skopje. That would simplify my life. Oh, and you will be glad to know that I actually shopped around and found a g-r-e-a-t price on my storage locker. I know, dreams do come true. Even for me.

Skopje then Bratislava

I forgot to tell you the exciting news! 4 days after my arrival in Skopje, I am going on a UNIFEM staff retreat in Bratislava, Slovakia for 5 days. It is a retreat for all the staff working for UNIFEM in Eastern and Central Europe so I will not only be with my new office cohorts, but meet others from around Europe. I am so incredibly excited!!! My dreams of travel are coming true! And, while on the trip, guess who pays my expenses? If you guessed the UN, you guessed correctly! This is excellent news considering I found out I did not get the $3000 grant I applied for. I am striking out with money! Here is to hoping the Dean pulls through for yours truly...this is a photo of Bratislava.

Bratislava is the capital of Slovakia, located on the Danube river. It borders Austria and Hungary. Vienna is a mere 37 miles from the city. I am hoping my cohorts will explore the city with me...

Out of shape

The funny thing about this picture is that Jennie was taking a picture of the guy just over my shoulder, not me. He is the one next to the woman with blond hair. I obliged the pose and must admit he was good-looking so I had no problem participating in this valiant effort.

Judging from the said picture, one might expect a blog post on being out of shape surrounding consumption of Manhattans. However, that is not the subject of this post. I woke up this morning and my shoulders were sore. Where? Oh right where my arms connect to my torso. It feels like I got a tetnus shot. I could not figure out why I felt this way - usually the soreness stays in my back and varies between upper and lower sections. My hips are a bit sore too. Then, in the car with Cata, I suddenly realized that this soreness is due to riding my bike, just over a mile, mind you, for the first time in a looooong time yesterday. I feel quite pathetic. I walk said distance almost every day, yet riding the bike make my body dully ache. I want to ride my bike this afternoon for a while. Maybe my muscles will get used to being used again. I almost can unglue myself from the computer and writing papers. Only 2 papers to go. Unfortunately, I think one of them will hit the 35 page limit set (it is a group project on women and foreclosure in Philadelphia). Back to the editing and writing. Cheers!

Zee Update!

Hello! My goodness I have been away for too long from this thing. I am working a 8 hour shift at the Grad Center today (you read correctly, 8 freaking hours!) and it is just what I need. Last weekend was spent in Chicago with Jennie and Ste, eating sushi, playing Paper Mario, going to Loyola with Jen, and the 96th floor of the John Hancock building for martinis. It was a wonderful, rejuvenating trip. Now, I have 3 weeks exactly to wrap up my life in Philly.

I have had many realizations the past few days. When I left Jen and Ste in Chicago, I was sad. But I realized that I was sad because I miss them, not because I dread my life in Philly. What a wonderful thing to realize!!! I feel comfortable and at home here. I hope I will feel the same way in Skopje. The other thing I realized is how many people I know at the Grad Center - students who come to study - but that I don't know beyond that. It dawned on me today that I would like to get to know some of these people beyond simple conversation, but with 3 weeks left, I will focus on those who I already know and will miss.

I cannot believe I leave in 3 weeks. Skopje or bust!

Southside Let's Ride: Luda re-visited

I am working on my program evaluation paper (almost done! last paper for the class!) and pondering my recent experience last night with Nona at the Ludacris concert. We had an absolutely fabulous evening. It started with Cosmos and a light dinner at the White Dog, followed by Cosmos at the New Deck Tavern, then off to Luda. After virtually suffering through the opening acts, our man Luda finally came on. We knew most of the songs and really had a great time jumping around. Luda did not sing a single song all the way through nor did he sing Nona and I's favorite song, but it was great fun all the same. Somehow Nona's room this morning smelled like cigarettes and beer, which is strange since we were outside the entire time and consumed no beer! We are not suffering from hangovers - more from life setting in and the hum dum of errands to run and papers to write.

But here is my question. I am struggling with the fact that I consider myself a feminist, yet went to the Ludacris concert. His lyrics are nothing but misogynistic. How can I call myself a feminist, yet support through my presence and cash someone who's message is downright degrading? Is he just rapping and does not mean what he says about women? Do we only tolerate entertainment like this because he is not talking about white women? White women are not the performers in his videos. Does it matter? It does. Words have meaning and power. Too often do we take our communication through speech for granted and I, for one, have been making an effort to respect the power of words, as trivial as they may seem at times. So now, I simply don't know what to think. I do not regret having a wonderful time with my best friend - she is the best date ever! I am glad we went to see Luda with all the undergrads. It is funny that Luda came to Penn in the first place. We always think of tolerating thing we don't like - for example, brussel sprouts. However, we also tolerate ideas or lyrics that are entertaining, but ultimately, spread a message that is the exact opposite of our values. So from this point on, I have a decision to make. What do I want to tolerate and support?

Cutting back on fake sugar

I have decided to cut back on my fake sugar intake. I do not drink that much diet soda, comparatively speaking, but I do need to cut back. I put fake sugar in my coffee, which is my weakest point. I have gone from two splenda packets to one. Eventually, I hope to get to zero fake sugar packets. I am going to try to keep refined sugar at a low and you know, be a bit more healthy. We'll see how well it goes...every once in a while a diet pepsi is just what I need.

...break me down, bury me bury me...

For those of you who are not familiar with 30 Seconds to Mars, Jared Leto's band, the title to this entry is from the refrain from one of their songs "The Kill." Jennie and I always sing "Marry me Marry me" in lieu of "bury me, bury me." The man is hot. Anyhow, this is not about him per se except my EXTREME grief over the fact that I cannot FIND my 30 Seconds to Mars cd. What am I going to do? At least I still have the autographed (yes, I met Jared himself, ladies and he is a super jerk) cover to the cd. But no CD. Troubling.

In other news, I had a cheesy moment this evening. I went to a talk on every one's favorite subject, The Education of Muslim Minorities in Thrace, Greece, and there, on their map of Greece was a wee country to the north simply labeled FYROM. Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia!!!!!! Now, this may seem strange, but sometimes my move to Macedonia is not real to me. It is almost like I am over it because I have been doing things to prepare since February 1st. But then I see FYROM on a map at a presentation and I am so excited! I can hardly stand it!!!!! I needed this so badly. It is hard to see where all the little things I have been doing, like oh writing my will, are leading towards anything. And then, the sun peeps through the clouds and I am reminded what I am working towards. Skopje. Me. Me in Skopje.

The Great Condom Grab in the Grad Center and the Nude Leggings

I am sitting at the desk, minding my own business when I noticed a guy grab one of the free condoms sitting in the bowl near the desk. He was pretending to lean in close to read a flier. He did not fool me! I think if he had not made it a big deal by pretending to read the flier, I would not have even noticed. After grabbing one, he goes to sit back at his computer and there is a girl sitting at the table who is working with him. They are at one of the little 2 person tables. Oh my gosh, she just moved around to sit right next to him! I wonder if she is the lucky lady...not to worry; his secret is safe with me.

I know you are missing the fashion faux pas from last semester, but no one has really caught my eye recently. I think my senses are dulled due to the popularity of early 90s leggings - foul! I guess I saw nude ones today, which were heinous. Why not just spend a little less and buy panty hose or go the extra step and get *gasp* tights! Cut off nude leggings with the trashy lace trim at the bottom are a definite fashion "no." If you must wear leggings, Ladies, at least make them something other than flesh colored or else you may just end up on my blog. And I am not even a true fashionista.

Slightly Morbid Blog Post - you've been warned!

Today I told my parents how I wanted my final remains dealt with, should that ever be an issue. I sent off my application for life insurance today and I thought I should tell them that they are going to be the beneficiaries. I also wanted to make sure they were comfortable with the amount I am going to be insured for - the last thing I would ever want to be is a financial burden to my parents! It was quite difficult to hit send, but I see it, in a way, as a gift to them. They know to cremate me, put my cat and dog with me in the urn and bury me at the church near where they want to be. I hope they never have to refer to the email I just sent ever again.

St. Jude Candles

I had my mother buy me candles of St. Jude at the grocery store in Colorado. St. Jude is the patron saint of lost causes. I am not sure exactly what I feel is a lost cause, but I do know that burning the candle makes me feel a bit better. Maybe St. Jude is petitioning God for me on my behalf. You are supposed to say the prayer to St. Jude and then enter your petition at the end. I don't have a petition. I will have to think about this a bit more. I hope I can get St. Jude candles in Skopje.

In other news, I did something a bit crazy today. I applied for a job with Transparency International to be the Programme Coordinator for the EU + Sub-region. I would be based in Berlin, Germany. They say they want someone to start in May 2008. If they want me, they will have to wait until I finish my internship in Skopje, but I was excited to read the job description and think I have the skills they are looking for, despite my lack of international agency experience. I have coordinated projects, am able to communicate and email and travel. I think one of the gifts my program has given me is the confidence to apply to such a job. If I hear back from Transparency International, I'll let you know.

Let me set the stage for you so you can picture what it is like for me. I am burning my St. Jude candle, which is unscented, and another scented candle. I don't remember the smell but it is crisp and clean smelling. I am burning cd's into my iTunes while editing my Program Evaluation paper. The music playing through the speakers is Heart, an acoustic album of their songs. I like it a lot. Musashi, Nona's yellow lab is laying next to me - he gets to stay with Auntie Elmo tonight! I should get back to work, but I hope you have a great week, friends! Oh, the picture of me is with my other, less attractive glasses. RRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRRRR!

The Ghost In You

That is the name of the song I am listening to as I attempt to re-write my program evaluation proposal. Can you tell from the pictures how riveting it is?

The great visa update is: I don't need one at this point because I am working for an international organization and, basically, can enter on the 90 day temporary visa and make sure I leave the country periodically. This is a relief. I just wish I had been told this prior to contacting embassy officials.

In other news, I am now attempting to secure a $100,000 term life insurance policy, the final requirement of my internship. You wold not believe how difficult this is and how much time it will take. I am just trying to take deep breaths and not get to upset about it - that doesn't help; it is so frustrating. The main problem is that I will be residing in another country. Insurance companies are the bane of my existence right now. They make it so difficult and expensive to purchase their services then try to screw you out of them if you actually need to utilize what you purchased in the first place.

Enough negativity! I am working on things this weekend so when I go see my sister in Chicago, I won't have too much work to do! This is very exciting. I am resisting buying a cute outfit or dress because I know once in Skopje, I will want to get stuff there, assuming I have the financial means. I am really looking forward to seeing Jennie and Ste. Back to the papers

Grant Update, Sharky Time

I found out today that I did not get the $6,000 grant I applied for. While I am disappointed, I know it is for the best. How is this for the best? Basically, I would have had to spend money to fly back to Penn in the fall to give a presentation on a research project that isn't complete and potentially not what I proposed in the first place. Soooo, my life is a bit simplified, come September. But I am still sad. I hope I do not have to take out more loans. Here's to hoping I get the $3,000 fellowship and that the Dean can drum up support for me! Did I mention the Macedonian Embassy is asking me how I will pay for my time in Skopje? :D It never ends.

Today, I am wearing what I call my Shark Skirt. It is silvery grey and looks like shark skin. I have a review board meeting (remember those pesky homeless housing proposals?) and I want them to think I am a professional and that I know what I am talking about! Ha! I figure I would intimidate them with my shark-like appearance. I resisted filing my teeth into points. I don't really want to intimidate people, but I do want to feel confident, which can be intimidating. Ok, I am rambling. Back to the books.

I am a professional...

You might be wondering what I am a professional at. I am a professional at waiting. You would think that by this point, I would be cool, calm and collected while waiting for oh, say, to hear about my grant funding for Macedonia. For the most part, I am. However, I had to give an itemized budget to the Dean of my school along with my objectives for my internship so he can ask around for money on my behalf. I am honored he is going to bat for me. This wee project made me realize 2 things. 1. I am way short of the nine month budget if I don't get the grants. I mean thousands of dollars short. 2. I don't have objectives. The first realization is a "well duh" moment, but I hadn't internalized my financial situation and how much I need some outside funding for this fabulous endeavor. Hopefully, between the 3 applications, I will get some financial support so that I can eat something besides ramen. Do they even have ramen in Macedonia? I'll let you know if I need a ramen/macaroni and cheese care package. On to the "no objectives" realization. Remember when I wrote that I had anticipation and not expectations about my upcoming adventure? Did I write about that? Well, any how, for the first time, I had to be selfish and say what this opportunity will do for me and what I hope to gain. I am so used to selling myself as an asset or fabulous researcher (ha!), that to actually say that I hope to get a fabulous job in international human rights is, well, difficult. I came up with 3 objectives:

1. My research will inform UNIFEM policies and advance the standing of women in Macedonia and the region.
2. I will understand the nightmare that is the UN bureaucracy, which will help me navigate the UN system and be a tremendous asset for my future since they are kind of a big deal in women's human rights.
3. A job. Maybe even with UNIFEM and if not with them, a "reputable" NGO or non-profit that focuses on the region.

I decided not to add the desire for a dog. Somehow, I think "pet ownership" is not what the Dean and potential benefactors are looking for. All joking aside, these are some lofty objectives. Seriously, "informing UNIFEM policy" is not like oh learning to knit a scarf or something. I am not knocking knitting - I love it, but I digress. I realized that I get nervous setting goals because that means that there is a chance I will not meet them or, even worse, be so focused on the goals that I miss what is important. The Dean did me a huge favor by forcing me to think about this. Now, here is to hoping I get some support from my ridiculously endowed school. Thankfully, Penn is hoping to build its international presence. I am an opportunity for them to do so and I will not disappoint.

Anxiety?

I don't feel particular anxiety about school or my internship, but, apparently, it is lurking beneath the surface. I had similar dreams about being in a language class (this time it was spanish, last time it was french) and realizing that I haven't been going and wasn't sure what was going on or how I was going to pass. Then, I dreamed something about going to watch my husband play soccer with his mom and sister. Maybe he was just a boyfriend. Anyhow that dream was not anxiety inducing but strange since I have no idea who the women in the dream are nor what my partner looked like. I had some dream about running a women's organization or something and that was strange too.

Anyhow, I don't know what this all means but I do know I have neglected things like laundry,grocery shopping and cleaning my room/apartment. That is what I would like to do today, but no dice. I have this review board I am on and have to finish reviewing applications and, allegedly, I have a group meeting for one of my classes. Maybe I can have quality "me" time tomorrow. I know the transition to the unknown is affecting me more than I realize. Just being quiet cleaning and cooking is therapeutic at times. I am not practicing self care that is for sure. I think one of my biggest fears is that I will be completely ineffective in advancing the standing of women in my whole life. I can't worry about that now; I need to get my work done and get everything in line for my adventure.

I want the DAWG and the visa update

I did something bad today. Nona and I went to a local pet store and I held a puppy. Not just any puppy. A Shiz-tzu Bichon Frise little girl who snuggled right up on me and when I spoke, she wagged her little tail. Nona held her too and she was so sweet to Nona, but the chemistry was alive and well between the puppy and I. Seriously. I know that I am moving to Macedonia and that dogs are so expensive, but I realized that I really want a companion. I am actually ready to commit to something. I was good and did not purchase the dog, but have decided to look for a furry friend in Skopje.

You will never guess what happened today. I called the Macedonian Embassy to make sure they still are not issuing visas to Americans and guess what! I now need a visa! Imagine that. Not only do I need a visa, they changed their process to be the same as the EU's, which, as you can imagine, is a bit more of a process than before. So, I have alerted my friends in Skopje and am trying to not have a stress monkey attack (so far, the margarita has helped calm the nerves). I also have not heard about my grants and am turning in yet another proposal on Monday. Hooray!

Ok, I must run, but keep the faith, friends. TTFN

Happy Easter aka Hiro and the Black Supremacists

I just finished a fabulous Easter Brunch with my friends, Nona, Seth, Hiro and Nahoko. We had such delicacies as ricotta blueberry pancakes, eggs benedict with crabcakes in lieu of Canadian bacon, mimosas and crab breakfast burritos. Nona had to be at work by noon so we offered to take Hiro to a nearby subway station so he could go home. Little did we know that the Black Supremacists have set up shop to spread their message of hate this beautiful Easter morning, right at Hiro's subway stop. There they were with their white robes, red stoles and podium with a amplification system. We explained to Hiro that this a cultural experience and, after he told us he was scared, he got out of the car and trotted with some urgency into the Galleria. I later received a text that Hiro had single-handily fought all of the Supremacists and won. This was Hiro's way of telling me he was safe, thank God. The adventures of Philly. There are other tales of Hiro's experience with other cultural experiences, unbeknownst to him. I don't want to steal his thunder so you must ask him yourself about San Fransisco.

I'm baaaaaaaaack!!!!

Howdy! I have missed this so much and I completely apologize for the lack of posting. I was super stress monkey until about oh right now. I got my grant applications in, no news, Jennie came to visit me - it was awesome, I had to turn in a program evaluation and then it was spring break in Colorado where I had to say good-bye to everyone, friends, family, for the longest time I have been away. It was great, and I am so blessed. After coming back to Philly, cat pee in my laundry (ew, gross and the kitties experienced some banishment), a lit review that could be part of my dissertation, should I pursue a PhD, a group paper on foreclosure and single women, coding thousands of said foreclosures for GIS mapping purposes, and, finally classes, here I am!

Here is the great Macedonia update. I asked my Dean for money and he is going to pitch my case to his bosses and others (who, I have no clue, but exciting!) to see if he can't drum up some support. Imagine not having to take out more loans! This would be great. I still need to get life insurance, health insurance, find a storage locker for my stuff, call the Embassy to make sure their policy is still no visas for Americans, and I am sure I am missing something...soooo, this weekend, I draft said proposal for the Dean and then come up with an action plan for doing the tedious reviewing of health and life insurance policies, call about getting my loans in deferment...but I am still excited.

I realized recently that, while it is hard to say good-bye to people, I am so grateful that I have people in my life who I love and love me. The more people ask what I am doing after my internship, the more I realize that I don't know! I was reminded of the difference between anticipation and expectation while back in Golden and it was quite profound for me. I am anticipating my internship and the opportunities that will come my way and I have no expectations as to what those will be. I am open to life. What a liberating and uncertain experience!

Now, here is the serious question of the day: My Dad offered to buy me my graduation hood, even though I will not be walking. I want one, but the question is this: do I wait and see if I get another degree of sorts since I do one day hope to get my PhD? I don't have to decide now...I will consider the lilies...back to coding...:D

Grants...you're so money and you don't even know it...

I am in the process of applying for 2 grants based on a research project that I have NO idea what it will be. Women's empowerment is surprisingly a large area of study. What does this mean? It means that I have to sound like I have a research project fully mapped out, subject, methodology and all, while in reality, being general enough that no matter what my research project is for the UN, I will not be completely off-base. So, I am writing a lot about women's economic well-being, honing in on labor-market specific stuff, while throwing in words like "human trafficking" and "ethnicity", "race", "geographic differences", "youth", etc. Part of me wants to end my proposals by saying something to the effect of: I am an Intern for the United Nations Development Fund for Women. My research will include the study of issues through a gendered lens, specifically, how everything effects women of the region. Just give me the money. I can guarantee I will appreciate this more than I can express and who knows, the UN might even publish my findings. There will be no publishing if I can't afford to go. We, at Penn, have a ridiculous endowment, in the hundreds of millions. What is $9000? Chump change. The UN is 'sponsoring' my research in every other way except paying me. Pony up so I can have this opportunity of a lifetime. Hos gotta eat too.

What do you think? I think it could work...

Where there is mastery there is no mystery

You guessed it. I am drinking tea again and this is the oh so wise saying on my Egyptian licorice herbal deliciousness. What does this mean???!! Where there is mastery there is no mystery. First off, I want to add a comma. Mastery of what?

Maybe I should stop trying to decipher the sayings on my tea, but I think it is entertaining. I didn't have my second class today so I am working on grant stuff. I think I am way into my blog because I can feel connected, but not really do much. Ok, I have done NOTHING since my last entry in the grant department. Nada. Zip.

Congratulations to Cata! She has been accepted by the Peace Corps!

Ok, back to mastery and mystery. Hmmm, have I mastered anything? No, I cannot think of anything. At first, I thought I had mastered making coffee but no, there are those days where, for no apparent reason, the coffee is amazing. I put the same amounts (ok close to the same amounts) of creamer, splenda, grounds, water....so I am not a master of anything. I guess my life is full of mystery. Enough procrastinating...have you mastered anything? Is it still mysterious?

Busy Busy Sell Sell!

I am applying for 2 grants through Penn for my research with the UN in Skopje. If I get both of them, that is $9000, which would be awesome! One is through the Women's Studies department for $3000 and the other is through the Graduate and Professional Student Assembly for $6000. Both are due on the 29th. Let's hope I can sell my experience! It is once in a lifetime!!! I also want to get my paper done by then so when Jennie comes to visit, I can be with her out and about as opposed to chained to a library/coffee shop/grad center doing work. I am working on the literature review as we speak.
It's as though my professor knows that I am super stress monkey because one of my classes is cancelled today. Wouldn't it be awesome if my other class were cancelled? We can't have it all. And, as it stands now, it will force me to get dressed and not subsist on hot dogs and coffee alone.

Live in your strength

This is what my wise tea tells me as I prepare to sit down and work on my Program Evaluation Proposal. "Live in your strength". I am trying to figure out what this means. If "strength" were plural instead of singular, I might just list my strengths and think about how better to access them, especially when I feel discouraged, like I did yesterday about funding for Skopje. But no, it is singular. What would it mean to live in strength? Hmmm, this is about as deep as I can go here. I am not a philosopher nor do I even know how to dwell on this, but for some reason, I am thinking about it. Did you get the tickets? TO THE GUN SHOW (see various pics)

Picture of Skopje and visa update

This is the main square in Skopje, Macedonia, my new residence. I called the Macedonian embassy about getting a visa and they referred me to the Consulate in Detroit...why, I am not sure. Anyhow, I talked to this really nice lady, who, after a serious discussion with her boss, informed me they do not issue visas to Americans. So I then asked her what I should do. Apparently, I go to the interior ministry and ask them to extend my stay after I get there. Um, ok. She assured me that since I am working with the UN, it won't be a problem. So did the lone Macedonian on campus. Now, I am trying not to worry about this, however, I wish this issue could be taken care of prior to departure. Oh well, I'll call them when I get my passport back and see if that is still the policy. At least my rent is cheap. About $400/month, including utilities. Sweet.

Fat Cat, Ice Ice Baby and the Macedonian Update

This is my roommate's cat, Manon aka Sumo. I love her. Big is Beautiful. No, I don't know how much she weighs, but I would guess around 23 lbs. She sleeps with me and is generally lovey dovey. She drinks out of the water bowl with the yellow lab and the dog that looks like a black golden retreiver. So cute. We don't tell her that she is obese or not a dog.

This morning, the sidewalks were covered in an inch of ice. An entire inch. Solid. Last night, the rain was freezing as it hit my umbrella so when I finally put the thing down, ice slid off of it. Now, we get snowstorms in Colorado. No big deal. But ice?! One person today told me she is thankful last night was not an ice storm. So if last night with heavy ice rain and solid ice on the sidewalks this morning was not an ice storm, what is? I am not talking about extreme ice storms. Just regular ones. I know we had them in undergrad in Tennessee and this was at least equal to that. The joys of Philly.

Ah, the great Macedonian update. Today, I spent the day filling out my visa application, passport renewal application, printing off grant info, emailing the poor man in Macedonia who helps me with all my questions (we've only just begun), contacting a travel agent who found me, wait for it, $515 one way ticket to Skopja! This, for mid-May, is super cheap, considering the online travel websites were quoting me $1850. So I guess this means I am really going. I seriously cannot believe it. Really. Truly. Tonight: finish urban studies reading on immigration and start going through all the grant stuff!

Why am I writing?

Hello. I just finished reading stuff for my program evaluation class. Now, on to Brown v. Board. At least this book reads more like a novel. I am writing an international law paper. How? I don't know. All I know is I have a copy of the Macedonian Constitution, Criminal Conduct Code, lots of U.N. reports on gender equality and some European Community Law stuff. I have an email out to a law school librarian because when I try to look this stuff up in law reviews, I get over 900,000 hits. Apparently, I do not know how to effectively search.

I am confused. Part of me really wants to have a partner and part of me doesn't care. I know getting attached to anyone at this point would be crazy. And, really, I don't have many options in that department. I don't know what I want anymore! Ahhhh! I guess I will get lost in my books and avoid thinking about it. In all honesty, it has been so long since I had a bonifide boyfriend, I don't think I would know the first thing about being in a relationship. Maybe it is like riding a bicycle. Yeah, a bicycle. Well, you know the old saying: a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Last time I checked, Bruce, my old beta fish did not need a bicycle. However, he did require a beautiful backdrop in order to get over his narcolepsy and eating disorder. And you think I am kidding.

Enough about fish, my lack of relationship in the romantic sense and back to desegregation, human trafficking and gender discrimination.

The not-so-lazy Friday afternoon

I am sitting in my room, burning Japanese incense listening to Bob Dylan on my iPod trying to motivate myself to read my work for next week or research Macedonian women's legal rights surrounding workforce issues or search for funding or take a much needed nap, if only for an hour...

Tonight is a mandatory staff meeting (dinner and hopefully drinks included) followed by a raucus game of Spades where Nona and I take on Seth and Hiro. The boys are going down and, unfortunately for them, it will NOT be in a blaze of glory. Nevermind that Hiro has never played before...he's a Japanese attorney, he can figure out how to be calculating!

Ok, duty calls! Be back soon :D

Off to Macedonia!

You are looking at the next intern for the United Nations Development Fund for Women in Skopje, Macedonia. Can you believe it? I can't! I am in total shock and am busy looking for funding - hoorah! Any tips? I believe that I am experiencing shock and awe, but not in the way GWB anticipated. I have to figure out visas, packing, lodging, what my project will be, how to get there, make sure I am totally immunized and healthy, health insurance, life insurance ($100,000 payable to my parents so they can bring my body back and pay student loans off, should the need arise), etc...

So overwhelming! So exciting! I don't know the Cyrillic alphabet or a single word of Macedonian. I don't even know how to spell Cyrillic. But you know what I mean. Oh my gentle Jesus.

Interview Update

My interview went really really well. Now, I just get to hurry up and wait. I still can't belief I interviewed with the U.N. That is pretty cool in and of itself, I must admit. Now, I just have to read for my 2 classes remaining this week. For Urban Policy, I am studying how the Arts can help attract and renew neighborhoods. Who knew Minneapolis/St.Paul was an arts Mecca?? Not me! My other reading is William Julius Wilson's "The Truly Disadvantaged". I highly recommend this book - it is the first scholarship that truly addresses urban ghettos, race, and the economy since the Moynihan Report (highly controversial report that virtually silenced scholarship surrounding race and poverty until William Julius Wilson's book mentioned above). OK, back to the books!

Weekends rock!

Today, I woke up at 1ish and continued to lay in bed for awhile, chatting on the phone with my parents, petting the obese kitty that lives with me (I promise I will upload a picture soon of Manon, aka Sumo). My new room is PERFECT for that kind of thing. A little too perfect.

Walking into campus, I realized that I think of Philly as my home. I really like the city and despite the fact that I cannot walk home alone after dark, I like where I live. I think my neighbors right next door are gay so you know what that means: the area will be gentrified in the next 10 years. God Bless the Gays for revitalizing inner cities. If only it didn't push the poor out. I hope we can talk about that issue in my urban policy class. Right now, we are learning of middle-class flight from the cities to the 'burbs. I hope to work on a project that deals with foreclosures and predatory lending. Are you jealous yet? I can see that you are...

Monday morning, bright and early is my phone interview with the UN. I am so nervous. I need to practice my answers to questions like: Why did you apply for this internship (because it is the U.-freaking-N. and I want to go into the area of women's empowerment)? What is your greatest strength (hmmm, have to think about that one. Shining personality is NOT what they are looking for right away)? What is your greatest weakness (my left arm. I rarely use it. No seriously. I have to put some thought into that one too...) Wish me luck. Hopefully, they will tell me soon if I am the chosen one because then I have to figure out a way to amass some serious capital in the next few months if accepted.

My focus, for right now

Here is a picture of me and my adopted son, Mante. He lives in Mississippi and is 2 years old. I am knitting him a baby blanket, in between doing my readings.

I have decided that I want to focus on human trafficking as my area of focus in the women's empowerment arena. Why? Well, firstly, this is an issue that deals directly with economics. If you have access to market power in your home country, there is no real need to pursue service-industry work in another country. Secondly, it is an issue that can be worked from both ends, i.e. I can work on the prevention-side or on the advocacy-side, working to ensure that victims of human-trafficking receive the services they need once discovered. These service range from mental health, visa-status, shelter, etc. I could go domestic or international with this issue...and it deals fundamentally in human rights. So, for this week, this is my focus. Next week, it could all change so be patient with me!

I am currently reading about Program Evaluation and realizing that if I want to do something completely different for a while, this would interest me as well, you know consulting. Once I get some mad real-world skillz, this would definitely not be a bad gig, especially if I have a family one day.

I feel like I should write more on Mississippi, but...

I know I should write more about my experiences in Mississippi and maybe I will this weekend, but for right now, I want to talk about my first week of classes and the world of opportunity before me. This semester is exciting. I will learn how to evaluate programs (hello gig in consulting!!), how social policy is effected by the judicial system, hands on experience doing a research project for a client within the City of Philadelphia (if I get my way, I will research the foreclosure/sub-prime mortgage 'crisis') and learning how to truly write policy op eds, briefs, etc. In my Capstone seminar, my professors tried to figure out where we should get internships and what our interests are. So I study women's empowerment...what does that mean, specifically when it comes to a career? I don't know!!!! I told them about the UNIFEM interview (in theory it is next week) and the fact that it is unfunded and received interesting advice. Firstly, my profs, who have significant Beltway experience, said if I want to end up in DC, then that is where I need to do my internship so I can compete with other peeps, put in my time and get hired. But then there is the opportunity in Botswana and it is right up my alley, through Penn...oh me oh my oh! What should I do? Where should I go?? DC?? Balkans?? Botswana?? Should I focus on human trafficking? Women's access to health care?? My head is swimming, I tell you.

Bayou wayou!

Our days in Mississippi are down to less than two, with our super health fair tomorrow. Everyone in Pearlington knows about it and hopefully we have a terrific turn out. I will be knitting and conversing for 4 hours so it should be fun. Yesterday, Congressman Taylor came to thank us and, especially for a Congressman, he is good-looking! It was a blast from the past for me because he was in the House when I was a Page. Then, it was off to Turtle Landing for a beer and to watch our debut on the news in Buloxi. We are famous! Not only for the illustrious chicken drop, but now for being on the news and having the health fair. Can you believe I have classes starting next week? I can't. Let the race begin!

New Orleans was a completely different experience the second time we went. There was no flashing, no jam-packed streets and lots of oysters. We went to a delicious restraunt, ACME, and had raw oysters (deliciously slimy!!) and po boys, ettoffe (can't spell), hush puppies and bread pudding. Amazing. Then, we went to Pat O'Briens to have another hurricane (not as good this time) and strolled the streets. I had my tarot cards read and it was interesting. She said I was isolated right now which, despite being with 28 other people all the time, I agree with and that I am in a time where I have to work hard. How did she know?! Then, (this is where it gets interesting) she told me that I have a strong male businessman presence in my life and that we really want to be together, but we can't right now because it is winter and I have to focus on my work...who is this mysterious strong male businessman in my life??? All I know is we can't be together right now, and I believe one of the main reasons is because I don't know who he is. I'll keep you posted, should there be an update.

Down on the Bayou

Hello from Pearlington, Mississippi! I do not know where to begin this blog post since so much happened since our arrival on the 3rd. We are going to New Orleans tonight, again, and hope it is as fun as last time around. I doubt it will be as crazy because the BCS Championship Game is over, and even though it is Carnival, it is not exactly Mardi Gras. Not to worry, I intend to stroll the streets with a Hurricane from Pat O'Brien's in hand, observing whatever there is to observe.

Pearlington itself is rural. When we arrived on the 3rd, I almost cried. It was freezing cold, and our beds consist of plywood and a thin prison mattress. Not kidding about the prison mattress, people!! Our restrooms are outhouses and the water smells like rotton eggs. Imagine bathing in hot, smelly sulfur water. All the water we drink is bottled and expired (who knew bottled water could expire!!!) or from Anheiser Busch, sans beer ingredients. I ended up in 5 layers that evening, avoiding tears and somehow sleeping through the night. The next morning, we woke up and began our work here. We are going door to door, seeing who is back after the Hurricane, assessing mental and physical health needs and inviting people to our health fair (which is where I am doing my knitting circle). People's experiences of the storm and throughout the past 2 years are vastly different. A lot depends on resources before the storm and a lot depends on attitude.

I have to run, but I will update more as soon as possible...pictures to come...the explaination of a chicken drop (yes, it involves chicken poop), kareoke with a saxiphone and the joys of New Orleans the night before the BCS Championship en route.

Unpacking and Off to Mississippi

Howdy Howdy Howdy! I am attempting to unpack all my stuff, realizing that I truly have no furniture. I did buy a beautiful bureau, however, and it is being delivered tonight. Hooray! Other news: I leave for Mississippi, I kid you not, at 5:30 in the morning, tomorrow morning. 5:30!!! I have to be at the gate at 6:30. Boo. But, by lunch time, I will be eating at some delicious New Orleans cafe. Benets or bust, baby! I know internet is limited at best where I am going so I will try to update the blog, but be patient with me, please! I promise I will not wear velour or sweat outfits to travel. There were so many fashion crimes last time I flew, velour was the most obvious one, but trust me, I doubt I will be disappointed this time around. As always, you can count on me to report back the biggest travesties. My time at the grad center begins upon my return so not to worry, my making fun of grad students and their "fashion" will also continue.

I head off for Raleigh/Durham on February 1st to see a friend I have not seen in 8 years. Now that is a fairly long time. A lot has happened since we last saw each other, but alas, it should be fun. Last semester, I did not leave Philadelphia city limits for 3 months. This semester, I want to change that. I do not want to feel like a shell come May when classes are done. While I truly enjoyed my return trip to Colorado, it is hard to spend all of your time recouperating!

Ok, the room of boxes with the overweight cat beckons. Nona and I call her "Sumo".