Changes

I am sitting at work, trying to install an update on the server for one of our software programs and it isn't working. I am a bit annoyed, but whatever. It looks like the server will need to be re-booted. Joy. And I just got busted typing this entry.

My sister is moving to Chi-town in a week and I am beginning to get nervous. I simply don't know what I am going to do without her here. I know I will survive, but that doesn't make the emininent loss any easier to deal with right now. Her move has really put a fire under me to go to DC.

Lots of things feel like they are shifting right now. I am having a hard time committing to anyone or anything. My boss says all he needs is a pinky swear that I will be here 6 months and I will have a raise. I don't know if I can pinky swear that (I am trying to be impeccible with my word).

I think I am scared that I will become needy once my sis departs. Neediness is not hot nor is it cool. I keep telling myself that being scared of it means it won't happen, but alas, I guess we won't know for a week or so. Maybe I will become a recluse. Maybe I cry a lot next Wednesday and be done with it. Maybe it won't be as big a deal as I fear. Invest in kleenex stock just in case...

Choices and The Barista

I am feeling a bit introspective today and am listening to the song that was popular in Spring of 1999. It was the one where the guy is talking to a graduating class and it starts off with him saying the only advice that he knows for certain is to wear sunscreen and then goes on with little tips on how to live your life. It is a great song and there is one part I will paraphrase that really applies to where I am now. Basically, don't praise yourself or berate yourself too much because your choices are half chance, just like everyone else's. My wise friend, Calabaza, told me once there is no wrong choice because there is no right choice. In a way, that is liberating, but in a way, that offers me no guidance. If there were a "correct" choice, I could firgure out a way to discern that and then, obviously, take that route. But it could never be so simple. Black or white. The older I get, the more I realize there is no such thing for many of life's qustions. This isn't a new revelation to me, but every once in a while, it hits me harder than others.

The barista at the coffee shop I am at is cute. I keep stealing glances at him and so far, he has not caught me. I look really hot today, thank goodness. Damn, he knows he's cute. Confidence is attractive; cockyness is not. Maybe he missed that memo. Maybe I have judged him too quickly. Hopefully.

Sono ai tuoi comandi and "if you build it..."

"I am yours to command". These are words I never hope to hear from any man of mine, unless we are roll playing and even then, I am so not into controling people. My buff Gondalier is named Roberto M and has very large pectorals. It appears he may be a bit of a but-his-face due to the fact that he is turned away from the viewer and his hair looks a bit frizzy under his gondalier hat. I guess one can't have it all.

I have a wee update. I applied for a job in DC working for a Senator and I don't think my chances are good, but dang it, I applied!! I was so scared sending off the cover letter and resume combo. Why am I scared- this could be it, folks! Landing the dream job. Or they could ignore me. Either way, it is a bit emotional. Capitol Hill is where I want to be. I want to move to DC and it would be great to have a job. A stellar job. Working for a US Senator. I definitely don't want to count my chickens before they hatch so just keep your fingers crossed that I get an interview. I will apply for another job locally as well and just keep plugging away until one day I have something new.

My sister said that it sounds a bit like, "if you build it", they will come. Please let that be true. Please.