Oh-na-ni!!!!

Aloha! Zona and I are laying poolside, drinking Mai Tais, watching the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. We just lay here with smiles on our face without a care in the world. We just looked at each other and said "I could not be happier now." New Year's is almost upon us. Our plans include watching the fireworks explode off-shore and in the street, then dancing the night away at a club. For the first time in my life, I am not embarassed to not be a tourista and don't care about walking into a restraunt wearing a sarong, and ordering some fru-fru drink like a pina colada. Poor saps at the pool think we are staying at the hotel and are bringing us fresh towels - ha!!! So, the sights I've seen...well, let's start with the massive third nipple on a middle-aged Japanese man, followed closely by a white-thonged, sunburned middle-aged man I am assuming is German (who else would do such a thing, seriously). The sun is low on the horizon and the palm trees are swaying in the breeze...hey, I just realized there are no seagulls here. Tonight, our last meal of 2005 will be kaiten sushi, which is sushi that goes around on a convayer belt and you pick what you like. Based on the color of the rim of the plate is how much you pay per plate. Yum-o. Ooooh, so I have to write about an architectual masterpiece that Zona and I saw just this morning. No, it is not the royal palace. No no, something much more significant. Sit down for this one. A Denny's with a tiled Chinese-style roof. Denny's people. We are not talking something Asian or Polyponisan here. A f*cking Denny's. It's not like we are in Chinatown, just some regular street in Waikiki. Oh, and who eats at Denny's on Waikiki? Seriously. So Zona and I have figured something out. We have been laying by the pool here, drinking, laughing, reading, etc. They are bringing us fresh towels, there is a shower and a restroom at our disposal. Zona is charging her cell phone, I-pod and computer as I write this...the tempature is moderate to warm. Why are we paying for a hostel? The beach is literally across the street. We could be out all night, then sleep by the pool or on the beach during the day...maybe next time. Soon, we will be kissed by some random guys to ring in the New Year...may you all have a fabulous night and beginning to 2006. Happy New Year to all.

Hawaii five-o

Yay! Zona & Ems are finally in Hawaii! Woo-hoo! Some major shopping has been accomplished this fine morning in the lovely town of Waikiki. We wanted to get it out of the way. And, a girl does need a cute cover on the beach. The beach eludes us, but it is only 12:30 Hawaiian time so there is plenty of opportunity. The hostel is 1 and a half blocks from Waikiki beach. The air is thick and heavy with humidity, although I don't feel the least bit stiffled. I was hoping when I walked off the plane, I would smell something like plumeria or freesia, but alas, it was a nice combination of diesel smoke and airplane. I hoped when I walked out of baggage claim, these lovely tropical scents would waft themselves in my general direction. Nope. Just the smoking section. Damn Smokers!!!! Maybe Maui will give me this tropical flower exerience. After arriving at the hostel, we discovered someone screwed up our reservation so Zona & I are not going to be in the same room on New Years Eve. Bastards. There has been no apology or anything. I am a bit hostile at the hostel people. At any rate, our room for now is nice and the girls are funny. We had fabulous and cheap sushi for dinner, washed down with a draft of Kiran followed by a restlest sleep on the top bunk of a rickety bunk bed. Tonight, we are doing Japanese style kareoke (Japanese is the second language of Hawaii, in case you were un-aware). Zona is excited. I don't know what I am in for. Apparently you get your own room to sing and goof off in...Tomorrow, we are going to hike Diamond Head, then finishing up shopping and lounge some more on the beach. What the night holds in store for us is unknown. In case you were wondering, my cold is still around, but not nearly as bad. The fish will be disappointed.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Caution: Rant to Follow

I just want to go. I am sick of dealing with all the things that I have to deal with. Pay attention. A signing appointment is here. Guess what that means. The clients expect to sign paperwork. Do you think we need to print it? Why do you have to bring in your pay stubs when you are salaried? That is a good question to ASK your CONGRESSPERSON, not me; I didn’t make the rules so stop trying to argue. Do you think I want to collect this stuff just for fun or to be difficult? I don’t care if you don’t keep meticulous records, let alone basic things like oh, bank statements. Not my problem. And you know who else doesn’t care? The US Trustee’s office, the Bankruptcy court and your creditors. You got yourself into this mess, and I am trying to help you get out of it so a little patience would be in order on your part. Did I mention that I am going on an island paradise vacation with my dear dear friend in less than 48 hours and have not started to pack, clean, create the oh-so-necessary memo for the office to follow-up on while I am frolicking on the sandy beaches of Hawaii. I forgot to mention my 2 biggest fears, didn’t I? First fear: I will come back and not have a job – be given a permanent vacation, should I so desire to make it so. At that point, I think I would try the “career blend” at my neighborhood Charbucks. I hear I could get benes with only 20 hours a week of work. The second fear is based on the first not happening – let’s assume I am still gainfully employed. So I come back and NOTHING has been crossed off on my memo of necessary follow up. Yup, so I get to pick up where I left off, with angry clients because no one has returned their call and yadda yadda yadda for almost 2 weeks. Sometimes I feel a bit dumped on. Isn’t it interesting that my 2 big work fears are based on my being unimportant/not necessary? Did I mention that I am not feeling hot, fighting a cold (it should be on the downswing since I was wicked ill on the Eve of Christmas). Let me tell you what is NOT HOT: a chick in a bikini having to blow her red nose every other breath. Or better yet, doing the grody snort of snot/hack it out. YUK. But I hear fish love that crap. Hmmmm. Sick.

Post Birthday Buzz

So I have officially had one of the best birthdays of my life. 27 years...wow. I can't really tell you what I have accomplished, but does that really matter?? All I really care about is that I surround myself with people who make me a better person and affirm and love me! I think I have done that and, well, hope all my friends and family can say the same about me. I don't know what this year holds for me...law school...new job as a policy researcher...I do know one thing though: I will be starting it the best way I possibly can - in Hawaii with my dear friend on Waikiki beach...ahhh...I feel joy and what more could a girl possibly want?

History Majors Unite!!

I have to have an educational post today. As many of you know, today is Veterans' Day. The reason for this is on this day in 1918 at 11:11 AM in a train car in Versailles, the armstice was signed ending what is now known as World War I. In order to understand the international developments of the 20th century in the western world, one must understand the signifigance of this static, horrific conflict. By the time the Treaty of Versailles was signed, 3 empires had disintigrated: Russia, Ottoman and Austria-Hungary. Shortly thereafter, Kaiser Wilhelm fled his native country of Germany and the French and Flemish were to reconstruct the countrysides left in tatters. No one could answer the question "what did this war accomplish?" One has to understand the Treaty of Versailles and its repercussions in order to understand the rise of the Hitler movement in Germany and the outbreak of World War II; it is one of the main factors in the rise of Fascism in 3 European countries. World War I's shadows still influence our politics and international relations today. It is no coincidence today is the day we as Americans honor our veterans; the scars run very deep from this bleary day in 1918 when the leaders of the Western World signed a treaty that silenced the guns and ended the war that was supposed to end all wars.

Captain Sensitive and the Great Yoga Conspiracy

Today, Captain Sensitive will be played by yours truly. Yes, I played that role last night at my monthly victim advocate meeting. We have 2 new volunteers so we all went around the room introducing ourselves and telling the new peeps tips or something we have learned as advocates. It got to be my turn so what do I say? "Just be yourself and remember: you can't screw them (the victims) up more than they are already." Yeah, the staff was a bit taken aback muttering things about being "politically correct" and everyone laughed after the initial shock wore off, but not the most tactful. Oh well, at least I am honest, right?

On to the Great Yoga Conspiracy. Yoga never fails to show me yet another area where I am totally inadequate. Today we did balance and guess what, I don't have it. Maybe it is because I don't have my core-strength built up. Maybe it is because I am not very flexible; maybe it is because it is 6:15 AM...Surprisingly, I am not totally discouraged. Anyone who thinks yoga is some how wimpy or not a real work-out can bite me. It is a conspiracy - not what it appears; it kicks one's behind and I don't think it matters how good of shape you are in; this whole zen/relaxation thing you think yoga is, not so much my experience. Here I am thinking, "ah, it's yoga day, not spinning so it is my relaxing day..." Hhhhhhhaaaaa! I have accepted my inner failure as a yoga student. I have accepted I am amateur, at best. But hey, at least I go.

Yoga down on this!

Sooooo, I have officially joined the YMCA. I have attended 2 yoga sessions and a spinning class - owwwwwww my ass (who thought to make bicycle seats so very uncomfortable?)! I have learned 3 very important things: 1. I am not flexible or limber. 2. I am in terrible shape. 3. I have more stamina and endurance than I thought. Waking up before God is also interesting - my spinning class BEGINS at 5:30 AM. Let me tell you who is on the streets as I am walking to the illustrious Y. No one. Except maybe a couple homeless people and some raver party individuals. This is the infamous YMCA building where about 5 years ago, a man decided to masterbate for me. I am hoping this is a gift I will never receive again, especially at the ass-crack of dawn. So Monday, I get to go to see a personal trainer. He is an ex-Marine named Beau; I am scared. A plan with some gentle guidance is all I ask. No shouting, no belittling, no bootcamp. Tomorrow is another day and another spinning class. One day, I will wear a yellow jersey to my spinning class, but that is a long way off.

What's a girl to do?

Things are difficult; I need to figure out what my career path is going to be. In retrospect, I have had 5 different career paths in 3 years. I have worked for the public sector, the non-profit sector, a large corporate office, the service industry and am presently working in the legal sector. Do I want to stay in the legal sector? In what capacity? Is it too much to ask that my job be interesting, challenging and fulfilling, oh and that I earn enough to live comfortably? Are benefits too much to ask for? Which way do I turn and what path should I try next? My father once told me that stability comes from within; do I really want stability or have I unconsciously chosen this path for myself? I have learned that I have a hard time committing - what if it is the wrong place for me? I always need an out and having positions where I am not passionate and feeling like I am changing the world gives me that out - I need to feel that I can leave at any time. I think I want a position that is challenging, but do I really? I am scared. Of what? The golden handcuffs - a job where it gives me just enough pay and benefits that I stay. I am scared to stay because I am scared to stop moving, of being sedimentary. I am scared of security because it has a boring conotation in my mind. I am scared of becoming boring and flat. That is why I must find a calling that makes me feel alive and active and intelligent and challenged. I need a vocation, and more immediately, a good cup of coffee.

Mooca hawka hiki, come on you wanna lei me...

So Nonasan and Elmosan are storming Hawaii at the end of this year. I can think of no other way I would rather spend the New Year than with my best friend on the beach in Maui. I bet the stars are more brilliant in Hawaii. We are going to stay in hostels on Maui and Oahu. I can hardly wait - I am almost envious of myself. It's time to cut back on the mac and cheese and limit my alcohol consumption to clear spirits with a twist of lime . Maybe even start exercising a bit more...ha!!!

Something strange is afoot

So I am walking into my apartment building and I see this red caddy illegally parked, obviously waiting for someone. As I approach, the young man standing next to the vehicle opens the door for 2 guys who are most definitely his peers (at least age wise), then closes it after them. They do not appear to be the type to have a car let alone a driver. Strange. And what is even more strange is I think I saw this very same vehicle a couple weeks ago picking up a young women who was um, dressed a bit, uh, risque. Not the same driver, I might add.

Melancholy

Today is grey with drizzle gently falling - perfect. I feel the melancholy that is usually the silent undertone to my life seep into me. The image that comes to mind is a simple needle with dark thread silently weaving through the otherwise bright and hopeful tapestry. It is not sad nor is it depressing. There are no feelings of despair or pressure. Rather, there is the quiet contemplation and introspection.

I am reminded of my days at Sewanee when the fog would roll in. It represented reality to me - never knowing who or what would come into view. At times, the isolation was overwhelming and I was reminded that even when walking through the opaque mist with some one, you were no more protected from what always seemed to be encroaching than if you were alone. Your companion could not bring clarity. The eerie stillness is beautiful, silent and haunting.

Ok, so now I will actually write something

Tuesday, the lamest day of the week and it is over. Things are looking up at work, but I can't help but wonder what will happen in a couple weeks when everything is all caught up; we have to figure out what our new 'normal' is; it is not just figuring out the new bankruptcy code. Rather, we as an organization are at a shifting point and I don't know what part, if any, I will play. The realization that I am simply not capable of doing this for the rest of my life has simultaneously discouraged and pushed me forward; the world is my oyster yet I can't even figure out how to spend the next 20 minutes. I don't want to lose opportunity to become whatever I want to be. It is now time to make some grilled cheese and drink an adult beverage.

Here goes...

So this is my first ever blog entry...