Anxiety?

I don't feel particular anxiety about school or my internship, but, apparently, it is lurking beneath the surface. I had similar dreams about being in a language class (this time it was spanish, last time it was french) and realizing that I haven't been going and wasn't sure what was going on or how I was going to pass. Then, I dreamed something about going to watch my husband play soccer with his mom and sister. Maybe he was just a boyfriend. Anyhow that dream was not anxiety inducing but strange since I have no idea who the women in the dream are nor what my partner looked like. I had some dream about running a women's organization or something and that was strange too.

Anyhow, I don't know what this all means but I do know I have neglected things like laundry,grocery shopping and cleaning my room/apartment. That is what I would like to do today, but no dice. I have this review board I am on and have to finish reviewing applications and, allegedly, I have a group meeting for one of my classes. Maybe I can have quality "me" time tomorrow. I know the transition to the unknown is affecting me more than I realize. Just being quiet cleaning and cooking is therapeutic at times. I am not practicing self care that is for sure. I think one of my biggest fears is that I will be completely ineffective in advancing the standing of women in my whole life. I can't worry about that now; I need to get my work done and get everything in line for my adventure.

I want the DAWG and the visa update

I did something bad today. Nona and I went to a local pet store and I held a puppy. Not just any puppy. A Shiz-tzu Bichon Frise little girl who snuggled right up on me and when I spoke, she wagged her little tail. Nona held her too and she was so sweet to Nona, but the chemistry was alive and well between the puppy and I. Seriously. I know that I am moving to Macedonia and that dogs are so expensive, but I realized that I really want a companion. I am actually ready to commit to something. I was good and did not purchase the dog, but have decided to look for a furry friend in Skopje.

You will never guess what happened today. I called the Macedonian Embassy to make sure they still are not issuing visas to Americans and guess what! I now need a visa! Imagine that. Not only do I need a visa, they changed their process to be the same as the EU's, which, as you can imagine, is a bit more of a process than before. So, I have alerted my friends in Skopje and am trying to not have a stress monkey attack (so far, the margarita has helped calm the nerves). I also have not heard about my grants and am turning in yet another proposal on Monday. Hooray!

Ok, I must run, but keep the faith, friends. TTFN

Happy Easter aka Hiro and the Black Supremacists

I just finished a fabulous Easter Brunch with my friends, Nona, Seth, Hiro and Nahoko. We had such delicacies as ricotta blueberry pancakes, eggs benedict with crabcakes in lieu of Canadian bacon, mimosas and crab breakfast burritos. Nona had to be at work by noon so we offered to take Hiro to a nearby subway station so he could go home. Little did we know that the Black Supremacists have set up shop to spread their message of hate this beautiful Easter morning, right at Hiro's subway stop. There they were with their white robes, red stoles and podium with a amplification system. We explained to Hiro that this a cultural experience and, after he told us he was scared, he got out of the car and trotted with some urgency into the Galleria. I later received a text that Hiro had single-handily fought all of the Supremacists and won. This was Hiro's way of telling me he was safe, thank God. The adventures of Philly. There are other tales of Hiro's experience with other cultural experiences, unbeknownst to him. I don't want to steal his thunder so you must ask him yourself about San Fransisco.

I'm baaaaaaaaack!!!!

Howdy! I have missed this so much and I completely apologize for the lack of posting. I was super stress monkey until about oh right now. I got my grant applications in, no news, Jennie came to visit me - it was awesome, I had to turn in a program evaluation and then it was spring break in Colorado where I had to say good-bye to everyone, friends, family, for the longest time I have been away. It was great, and I am so blessed. After coming back to Philly, cat pee in my laundry (ew, gross and the kitties experienced some banishment), a lit review that could be part of my dissertation, should I pursue a PhD, a group paper on foreclosure and single women, coding thousands of said foreclosures for GIS mapping purposes, and, finally classes, here I am!

Here is the great Macedonia update. I asked my Dean for money and he is going to pitch my case to his bosses and others (who, I have no clue, but exciting!) to see if he can't drum up some support. Imagine not having to take out more loans! This would be great. I still need to get life insurance, health insurance, find a storage locker for my stuff, call the Embassy to make sure their policy is still no visas for Americans, and I am sure I am missing something...soooo, this weekend, I draft said proposal for the Dean and then come up with an action plan for doing the tedious reviewing of health and life insurance policies, call about getting my loans in deferment...but I am still excited.

I realized recently that, while it is hard to say good-bye to people, I am so grateful that I have people in my life who I love and love me. The more people ask what I am doing after my internship, the more I realize that I don't know! I was reminded of the difference between anticipation and expectation while back in Golden and it was quite profound for me. I am anticipating my internship and the opportunities that will come my way and I have no expectations as to what those will be. I am open to life. What a liberating and uncertain experience!

Now, here is the serious question of the day: My Dad offered to buy me my graduation hood, even though I will not be walking. I want one, but the question is this: do I wait and see if I get another degree of sorts since I do one day hope to get my PhD? I don't have to decide now...I will consider the lilies...back to coding...:D