More thoughts about shallowness, the great ear update and Self-Advocacy

Wow, I am loving this discussion about shallowness, blogs and how we all interpret things. One thing I take from this is that we (the royal we) are too self-critical. So what if I am not constantly writing academic or awe-inspiring pieces...the real issue is: what is the point of my blog? I agree with Brooke - it depends on the day.

So, this is what is up for today. I now have to put antibiotic ear drops in my ear where the ear drum burst. The good news is that there is not longer a hole in my eardrum. The frustrating news is that there is still liquid in my ear. So, the doctor prescribed me these ear drops and flonase nasal spray because my sinuses are bothering me. He asked if I had allergies and I told that I didn't and I believe this is due to the MOLD that is STILL in my room!!!! He seemed alarmed but didn't make a direct comment to my self-diagnosis which makes me think that if this were caused by mold, Student Health would never say that it could be causing the problem because I live in student housing, and therefore, might have a case against the school for an environmentally hazardous living situation. I have now emailed the head of Facilities, the head of my building and cc'd my Dad. I have to self-advocate and it is so difficult! Practicing what you preach is hard work. I find that I have fight the impulse to explain why I am frustrated - um, it is friggin obvious, yet a habit. I also feel - get this - guilty for being a thorn in their side. Why on EARTH do I feel this way? Is it because I have been on the receiving end of angry client calls while working at the law firm? I don't know, but I can tell you, my frustration with being on 3 prescriptions, having been to the doctor twice in 2 weeks not feeling well and just being down right angry overrides any guilt. If there is no forward movement, i.e., the friggin' mold is not out of my room by the time I return from Buffalo, I will look into legal action.

Ok, One additional guilty pleasure and shallow?

Ok, folks, I forgot one guilty pleasure that is key to my existence. I LOVE getting my hair cut, colored and styled about every 8 weeks. You read correctly. 8 weeks. I justify this expense (believe me, it is an expense) by saying that I must present myself well if I will ever get ahead, and gosh darn it, having good hair makes me feel fabulous.

Upon reading one of my friends' blog, I realized how shallow my blog is. All it is about is me and I am not even reflecting on "me" or my experiences! I ask myself why this is and I don't really know. Does this tie into Guilty pleasure #6 (see below)? I am somehow light hearted and super intense (go figure that one out)...maybe it is because I am not much of an intellectual. Sure, I can go on and on about the different schools of thought around what causes poverty in America, but ask me something "deep", and well, I just don't go there. You ask me what is the meaning of life and my simple answer is "this" or "living the dream". Maybe it is because I can't articulate my thoughts...I dunno. I can't really ponder much of anything because, upon simple reflection, I am a "fixer". If you lament over something, my first impulse is to try to help you figure out how to "fix" it. You say you just don't feel like there are enough hours in the day and my first response, after, "tell me about it" is "is there anything you can do to make your transition between tasks more efficient?" Ask Nona, my Mother, my Sister, Manuel...this is what I do. I have been told I am a good listener. I think I am an active listener. Hmmm. Maybe my blog isn't so shallow any more. At least this time...

My 6 Guilty Pleasures...

My friend, Brooke, asked me to participate on blogging my 6 guilty pleasures. I think this is a particularly difficult assignment for me because I really try to avoid feeling guilty about much of anything or doing things I feel guilty about. Anyways, here goes...

1. Listening to music or NPR, constantly. No matter what I am doing, I am listening to SOMETHING. Whether it be researching, blogging, writing or playing a game, there is always something in the background. NPR is a particular guilty pleasure while getting ready for my day in the morning and I am not a member. I am a "free-rider" in the true economic sense of the word.

2. Eating all of my meals out. I blame the fact that I eat all of my meals out because I do not have a kitchen and my mini fridge and microwave don't really cut it. I should get a crock pot. I should use my mini toaster/oven...

3. Drinking expensive martinis. While I rarely drink martinis (or in general), when I do get a martini, it is usually Kettle One, Grey Goose or Bombay Sapphire. I will not have a cheap vodka or gin in this drink and I like it a touch on the dirty side - always with olives.

4. Going to my knitting circle. I go to my knitting circle every Monday night, regardless of deadlines and how close I am to meeting those deadlines. I justify this by saying that since I started the knitting circle, I HAVE to go, but that is simply not true. There are plenty of folks who go and I certainly don't have to be there.

5. Watching the same three movies. All the time. Upon going to graduate school, I have had a particularly difficult time falling asleep at night. I cannot shut my mind down so how better to silence the thoughts than watching "The Big Lebowski", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (the new one), or "Finding Nemo" for the 100th time? Since my comfort food is coffee with cream and Splenda, this is a good substitute when sleep is warranted. Maybe I'll shake things up and watch "Pirates II Dead Man's Chest" tonight.

6. Loving everything and everyone (for the most part). This sounds cheesy, but I seriously do love almost everyone in my life and everything I do, too much. Just ask my friends. I always "love this movie" or that is my "favorite song, book, food, person", etc. If you don't know me, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but if you do know me, you almost everything makes me laugh and I enjoy wholeheartedly everything I do. I love story telling and involving people in my life. This is why all of you will come visit me, so you can truly experience my moldy room, fabulous classes and the joy that is my life at Penn. And the freezing cold wind. Oh, and Philadelphia. Did I mention I haven't left Philly city limits in almost 3 months?

Your turn.

Resume updated. Check.

So, instead of going on an incredibly hot date, I stayed home tonight and updated my resume. I really want to get that internship with UNIFEM. I sent my resume to my advisor, my Dad and my friend to look it over before I send it off and friggin pray. I am not worried about my future, for the first time in my life. I cannot explain the calm I feel right now, despite my hellish end to the semester that will be upon me soon. If any of you want to look my resume over and offer me suggestions, just let me know. I would appreciate constructive criticism. But it has to be quick. Like by the 18th at the latest. Good night for now, dear friends.

Too Cute

Is that not the cutest pic? I found it on lol cats. If you are ever bored, this is a great website. That or www.engrish.com

Application to volunteer in Mississippi. Check.

Howdy Howdy Howdy. I turned in my application to volunteer for a week and a half in Hancock County, MS to go help Hurricane Katrina victims. I want to start a knitting group for the women down there - exciting! Hopefully, I will be accepted. If I get to go, it will be in early January. I have never been to Mississippi.

Other news...let's see, well, I am working on another paper and my statistics homework. If I can get my paper done this weekend, I will only have 2 to do the week following Turkey day. Yup. I have 3 papers, one statistics homework and a reading log due that week. Yikes. So I hopefully can get 2 papers, the statistics homework, the reading log and the research for one paper done prior to going on my trip. Then, Monday, I will do the third paper. And, if all goes according to plan, I can do my statistics paper and economics project beginning that week. I have a feeling the Stress Monkey will rear it's head in the weeks coming up to winter break.

I can breathe and hear (mostly!)

Whew! I turned in my paper. My presentation is prepared and will be delivered next week. Now, I work ahead so I can actually enjoy Thanksgiving. What a friggin concept. I need to get my resume in order, fill out some application to go to Mississippi for a week to do mental health work in a Katrina ravaged town, and begin the whole research thing, again, this time for my intro to social work research. bah. I do love it, seriously, but I am thoroughly enjoying my evening off. If I can get this paper done by Friday, it will be AWESOME!!!! Then, I will do my statistics homework and finish my paper for Poverty, Welfare and Work. Over Turkey Day weekend, I will do my Social Policy Analysis paper...then, I will turn them all in. Can you believe it? 3 of the 6 final papers in the next 2 weeks. I am so glad my program is only a year :D

Research, writing and hearing

So I am spending this dreary November afternoon in an office right in the heart of campus researching my second 8-10 page paper on the feminization of poverty in America. This time, I am doing a literature review that provides a theoretical framework, empirical data for understanding the problem/issue and causal factors coupled with the effectiveness of policies or interventions. Did I mention I also have to examine the advocacy literature (Heritage Foundation and National Organization of Women, here I come!) to identify the key stakeholders and then, from all of this analysis, identify possible policy choices. Simple. No problem. 8-10 pages. My last paper, which was awesome, only earned a B+. I feel under-appreciated. But I still have the opportunity to prove myself and, I have straight A's in my four other classes.

I am a bit distressed about my ear with the burst eardrum. My hearing is definitely not as good as the other ear. Should I be going to an ear, nose and throat specialist? I know that it is probably normal that things are unequal, but I don't want my left ear to be permanently poor in the hearing department. I will call the doctors on Monday and see what they think. There is still so much fluid in my ears, both of them, that I feel like I have earplugs in. The left is still worse.

Ok, back to research. Lonely research. See the lonely penguin above?

Burst!

Greetings! My, so much has happened this week...let's start with my eardrum bursting. You read correctly and all I can say is "Ouch"! I have a severe ear infection and I cannot describe the pain until the eardrum burst. It still hurts, but nothing like before. I have fluid in my ears, still, and am scared that my hearing will be affected. It should heal in 3-6 weeks...

That is my excitement for right now. I am not going to see my aunt and uncle in Upstate NY this weekend - maybe next weekend. I have a huge paper to write and am nervous because I really don't feel too hot...I am sure it will be just fine.

Ta Ta For Now

Nervous Excitement

I just sent an email to the program director of UNIFEM, the women's fund at the United Nations, to discuss international social work and internship possibilities. Some of you may remember my excitement at the beginning of the summer when I decided to apply to Penn and my feelings about this are similar. My stomach is tight with anticipation and I can tell my nervousness level is heightened. This is huge people. HUGE. The kind of projects they work on are EXACTLY what interests me - market power to women-in a region of the world which I would love to go - Eastern and Central Europe, including Turkey. My dreams of seeing Hagia Sofia may be realized this summer. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. Just keep your fingers crossed or thumbs pressed or whatever it is you do to wish people luck. I am bubbling over at thought of simply talking to this woman about what she does and how I can do something similar. I would be working for women's empowerment and gender equality. Can't you just see it???? Here is UNIFEM's website: www.unifem.org

The Stress Monkey Lives

Today is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mood is ferocious so beware!!!! I think I am burned out, just a bit. However, I will push on. I have an unbelievable amount of work to do by tomorrow at 1 PM. I like what I have to do with the exception of the oral presentation. Normally, I love doing oral presentations, however, this one's subject matter, which I will not go into, is not something that interests me. I now remember what it is like to have to work on something that does not interest you and it is painful. Add to that I am one page into my 8-10 page paper and have aproximately 300 pages to read and I do not foresee much sleep in my future, which will make me very very grumpy tomorrow. There was a bright spot to my day, though. My dear friend texted me a "good morning" message earlier and I look at it to remind myself there is life out there.
I regained my focus and must press on. I work at the grad center today so if I see anything amusing, I will be sure to update you. Now I know why grad students are grumpy. I did something I thought I would never do - join their ranks.

ENFJ and the inability to focus

Happy Sunday, people! I took the Myers-Briggs test and I am an ENFJ. Do you know what this means? I am a distinctivhttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.photo.gif
I am a distinctively expressed extravert, moderately expressed intuitive personality, moderately expressed feeling personality, and distinctively expressed judging personality. What does this mean? You would ask! Here is where you can go to see all about me: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ_rel.html If you want to take the test yourself, here is the website: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm Tell me what you are! I am interested! I think this is dead on for me, by the way.

Instead of taking personality tests and discerning my strengths and weaknesses, I should be working on my presentation (30-35 minutes in length, total), writing my literature review or reading the 600 page book all of which needs to be done by 1 PM on Tuesday. I am writing my literature review on the income discrepancies between single moms and single dads. Gender wage and hiring discrimination is real, people!!! It is hard for me to not get totally livid while doing my research and stay focused and as objective as possible.

Back to preparing the presentation. Wish me luck. Please distract me by commenting on my blog.

My Mind is Swimming

I just finished an econ class and talked to my TA about PhDs and my career. I need to talk with her more about it. She is getting her PhD in Social Welfare after a successful career doing foundation work. I have been throwing the idea around in my mind since I started my program. I need to figure out how isolating my career would be. I love doing research, but I also love being with people. I know I would be a good teacher. I also know I want to go speak in front of House and Senate Committees on the Hill. I don't want to be working at a school in the middle of nowhere because that is where I can get a job. I know I went to a fabulous school in the middle of nowhere. Can I get a job outside of academia if it isn't a fit for me? This is why I want to talk to my TA about her experience in the non-profit and foundation sector. The other issue is I want to study women's empowerment, but what does that mean? Do I become an expert in women and poverty? I want to do econ without the calculus. I have to be careful because no PhD in social welfare will accept me if I do not want to stay in academia. None. At least none at the schools I would be applying to. Do you realize that the PhD in Social Welfare at Penn is tied for 1st place along with UC Berkley? I would need to do some research about where else I would like to apply, should I decide to pursue my PhD. I want to be the first woman in my family to get her doctorate. I guess the question is whether I will get one, it is when and where.

In the mean time, I have to write a literature review for my research class. It is not as fun as it sounds, dweeby english majors (you know I love you). I am studying the income of single mothers and single fathers in America to see if there is a difference and if so, why. Literature reviews are where I look at the literature (journal articles) out there, see what they say, then see where I am going. In a paper. I need a hypothesis people. How do you measure social capital? I am hoping from my literature, I can figure it all out, enough to write a fantabulous paper at least.

The Longest Print Job...Ever

You will not believe how long it is taking to print my reading for this week. It is only 45 pages and took around 10 minutes. Mind you, this is not even in color. I am at work at the Graduate Student Center, listening to the radio and trying to figure out how in the world I will get my papers down to 7 pages. I have already gone half-way on to the 7th page and haven't even started on Reagan's Block Grants, let alone the 1996 landmark legislation. Oh well.

Enough about this paper, let me tell you about the grad center. So I am here today and in a fairly good mood. I love seeing who comes in here and what they are wearing. It is usually an odd combination of students. For example, this guy looks like he spends some time in the gym and what is he wearing???? Red crocs (no!), badly faded camo shorts and a tee shirt. I am speechless.

Adventures in Research!

Howdy folks. I am sure while I am writing this, you are most likely out enjoying a beautiful early autumn evening while I am in a computer lab, with a printer with no toner (but hey, it is free when it works!) looking at the history of welfare legislation in the United States. Remember that paper on microfinance as a part of a solution to poverty in America? Well, after receiving my paper back from my professor and realizing that I am trying to frame the issue around the solution, I am now in the throws of framing the issue of poverty itself and, specifically, the feminization of poverty in the US. So, here is what I have to write an 8 page paper on by Tuesday:

Often policy issues have a long history that includes perspectives and critical choices that, although made in the past, continue to influence current policy development. This paper requires you to understand the historical evolution of the issue and related policies.

When did this issue first emerge as a public concern?

For each major era in which policy choices were made document
oHow was the issue defined?
oWhat social values were threatened by the issue?
oWhat were the definitions of the problem?
oWhat policy strategy was selected?
oWhat assumptions and values were reflected in the choices?
oHow did social, economic and political factors influence the choices?

Contemporary view
oHow is the issue framed today?
oWhat factors in the current environment influence how this issue is viewed?
oWhat are the major controversies today?

How am I going to do this in only EIGHT pages, including sources???? Ok, so you want to hear about the adventure, not my plight regarding the short length of the paper. Being the amazingly nerdy individual I am, I thought I would go straight to the horse's mouth and take a look at H.R. 3734 Personal Responsiblity and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996, which was the most recent federal social welfare overhaul. Guess how many pages the Bill is. 251 pages. Take a guess at how long the Budget Report for that act is. Guess. If you guessed 2056 pages, you are correct! This is about a year after the Paperwork Reduction Act, I believe. Anyhow, we have not even TOUCHED JFK/LBJ's Great Society nor the mother of them all, Social Security and all the other FDR stuff. I think I am going to have get real general on this one. The feminization lens may not even be applied to this paper. We'll see how it goes. So, for those of you following my microeconomics paper, this has replaced it. But microeconomics will come in the end, not to worry. Homefry-I appreciate your comment and book suggestions! I will definitely look into that once I am back on the topic.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

No picture today. Sorry. I can't get the link to work. I have 2 midterms tomorrow and I want to do well. The thing is I am a bit discouraged. I got back my paper yesterday in my favorite class and I did not do as well as I had hoped. I am meeting with the Professor tomorrow. I am not going to get a 3.0 again. No, not this time. Sometimes I wonder how smart I am and if I am oh so brainy, how do I translate that to a paper? That is why I am taking a writing class for 6 weeks! SIX friggin' weeks!!! But I figure it will help me. You can always improve your writing. It gets better and better the more you do it and it is essential for my future.

I am just a ball of frustration, even though I had a massage earlier today. I think it is because I am not feeling super motivated. But I must keep on keepin' on. I don't want to talk to anyone and I am sitting at work, surrounded by 29 people. They are nice, and leave me alone for the most part. Just call me stress monkey and I promise if you do call me, I won't bite your head off and will try to not wail and gnash my teeth too much.

Statistics, Pandora Radio and Karaoke, Baby!

Today I am studying for my statistics midterm. Standard deviations, anyone?? My life got considerably easier for the moment because my professor moved my paper to be due a week from Tuesday as opposed to in 3 days, which means I will most likely pass both my economics and statistics midterms with flying colors. If all goes according to plan, I will have two more "A"s to add to my cache. I seriously cannot believe it is mid-semester already. My work load is, unfortunately, positively skewed. For those non-statisticians out there, that means the majority of my work is at the end of the semester. In fact, I have no idea if I can even take a break at Thanksgiving. Yup, it is that serious. I need to talk with my aunt and uncle about coming to Up State NY to see them at some point, although the way things are looking now, Thanksgiving is not the time for that. Nona has invited me to go to Buffalo with her and what is attractive about that offer is I don't have to figure out transportation. Her parents are both academics so I know I could hide in the study and work on papers throughout my visit. The thing is the week after Turkey Day is truly, truly brutal. 4 major papers and one reading log. So, I guess the real question is if I have the discipline to work ahead the 3 weeks before Thanksgiving. I have to if I am to survive. I am going to plan things out this weekend.

Presently, I am listening to Pandora radio on line and it is quite kewl. I think I will try this out when I get to work on Monday for my stint. We have to have music on while we are at the desk and I figure that I listen to my music collection all the time so the 6 whole hours a week I have the desk job can be devoted to expanding my musical indy rock horizons.

Last night was quite an evening! It was my friend, Yoshi's, birthday. Nona and I made zucchini pie, delicious salad and purchased a pumpkin cheesecake from the Amish. Our friend, Dee, brought over 2 FABULOUS bottles of wine. After an amazing meal and enlightening conversation, we were off to karaoke, Japanese style. Japanese style is where you get a room with all of your friends and sing to each other as opposed to the whole bar. Yoshi sang "Annie's Song" by John Denver. He was going to sing "Sexy Back" by JT, but they did not have the song, much to all of our dismay. My tutoree, Hiro, joined us as did Steve and Junior. Needless to say, it was great and highly entertaining. Hiro and I's birthdays are next so I anticipate more karaoke in the future.

Take care, my friends. I'll write again soon!

Pop Goes the World

Hello. I am sorry it has been a while between posts. No excuses, all apology. Tonight, I went to my first stitch night session. There were 3 people there, including me, and I have hopes for growth. It was at the Women's Center and that is quite a space here on campus. It is perfectly located and the rooms are spacious and warm. Men are allowed there too, not to worry.

So this week is fairly light, but I am re-writing a paper, doing reading, and researching. Guess what I am researching. Keep guessing. If you guessed federal legislation regarding micro-lending as a poverty reduction policy, you guessed correctly. Is there legislation specifically in this area? I have no clue! Sigh. What's a girl to do? There are a couple projects that were federally funded so I'll see if I can figure out the money trail...if, for some reason you have ANY insight, hook a sister up, aka, tell me. Please. I am not pleading, yet.

What is saving me from despair over this research project??? Listening to "Pop goes the world" by the Men Without Hats. You CANNOT be sad and listen to the song. It just makes you feel good. So, that in contrast to my new Bob Dylan, some Who (Baba O'Riley anyone?!), some country and I am one happy chick. I still love it here. Not to worry, I have had a mini-melt down. There are moments when I cannot wear my brave face. In fact, the Brave Faced Ems took Saturday off. It is important that one does not stuff feelings down. It is also important to not melt down in public unless absolutely necessary. Take care, friends. I'll be posting again soon.

Talk Nerdy to Me

My brain hurts. I feel a bit isolated here in my room due to studying microenterprenurial (sp?!) programs in America as part of an economic social policy aimed at lifting people and families out of poverty. While I find the topic interesting, I am very tired of reading and trying to formulate a focus paper on it. This, by the way, would be only part of a greater poverty eradication program in the US. I see it as both beneficial to bringing those enterprising souls out of their current position and a bit of prevention as well - you know, breaking the cycle. It is not, however, a cure-all by any means. Make me stop. It hurts. Everything is fuzzy...

If I had a magic 8 ball and I asked it if I am going to be sleep deprived this week, it would respond "outlook good". I am in for a heck of a week - 3 assignments due, 2 meetings with professors, I start working at the grad center 6 hours a week, my Japanese tutoree returns from Peru and reading. Lots and lots of reading.

The thing is, I do not think I have ever been happier in my life. Even sitting here, feeling the need for some human contact - a hug would be great - I am happy. I worked almost 29 years to get here. Holy cow, I am almost 29 years old! Before you know it, I will be 30, then 40...

Back to the journal articles. Please write me if you get a chance. I am feeling a bit disconnected! Pull my head out of the journals and blurry lines of policy...if only for a moment.

Leave it to me...

As some of you may know, I have an incredible knack of embarrassing myself by saying the wrong thing to the wrong people. Some of you may remember the time I teased Nona's dad about getting pedicures with us, not knowing the man was missing toenails due to a lawnmower accident. Unfortunately for you, my gentle readers, this next skill of mine is not so entertaining. I have a 6 page social policy analysis paper due on Tuesday where I could pick ANY social issue to work on and what do I pick? Microeconomic loans to women. You might say to yourself: that sounds interesting...what's the catch? The catch is the US Government does not presently HAVE a social policy program that is similar to the other programs (although run by NGOs) around the world. So, what does my professor suggest I do? Create the policy!! Of course, not in six pages, but still. Why do I make things harder for myself? I can't track this issue in the news! It has absolutely NOTHING to do with current American Social policies like, oh, Social Security, Health Care, TANF (Temporary Assistance to Needy Families), tax credits....the list goes on and on. So, not only do I have to have a knowledge base on how these programs operate in the developing world, I now, through divine intervention (because that is what it will take), have to figure out if it would even be remotely feasible in the current US system and if it would, in fact, help individuals and families break the cycle of poverty!!!!!! Stay tuned for future laments and progress reports...if, for some reason you are interested in what I am researching, please, let me know. I would be happy to share...

Cuba Libre

Greetings from the City of Brotherly Love! This week is Philadephia Restraunt week so, at participating restaraunts, patrons can get an appetizer, entree and dessert for $30. Nona and I ventured to Old City to a very cool restraunt, Cuba Libre. Our meal started with a delicious crab bisque, followed by seared Mahi Mahi with a pistachio crust and black bean sauce, ending with a delicious vanilla flan with a wee apple breaded something on top. How could I forget the mojito??? Mmmm, cool and refreshing. I don't know how Cuban this meal was (I will guess it is not very 'authentic'), but it was totally delicious and the perfect amount of food. So Nona and I had the experience I was so longing for in the previous post. The inside of the restraunt is awesome, with palm trees, high ceilings windows that open on to the street and waiters in white shirts. Who knows when, on my graduate student budget, I will be able to have an experience like this again, but I look forward to it. Maybe I should hang out around Wharton more - ah ha ha ha ha, just kidding. I doubt it would be worth the trade off, although I will keep an open mind and not pre-judge....
Here's a link to the restaraunt: http://www.cubalibrerestaurant.com/philly_index.php

Meet me at the Wrecking Ball

Firstly, I would like to thank those of you who comment on my blog - I really enjoy reading your thoughts on what I say and just want to thank you. Profusely.

Secondly, I want to apologize for my absence the past few days. I had my first reading log and paper due this week, along with an almost obscene amount of reading. But excuses are lame. Still, please bear with me.

I am still enjoying being here at Penn and recently became a member of the Student Advisory Board at the Women's Center. I am not sure what this means or entails, but I am looking forward to our first meeting. This is the first year of the Board's existence as well so we can grow together. Issues surrounding gender are interesting to me, to say the least, and if I research what I think it will, they are central to my inquiries. I think it is interesting how I fell the need to tell people, especially the men in my life, that I do not hate men or see them as oppressors in the same breath as that I am thinking about studying gender issues and inequalities through the lens of poverty. I think it is safe to say, if you know me, that it is obvious that I do not hate men. Indeed, there are so many of you in my life that you cannot dismiss our friendship as the "token" male one. Still, why do I feel automatically defensive on this issue of femininity and feminism in general? Is it my own insecurity and assumptions? Why do I feel that your image of a feminist is one that initially negative?

I love all these questions in my head and, for quite possibly the first time in my life, am perfectly ok with not having the answers. On to a much shallower subject, I want to go to a nice dinner, where the food is exquisite, the atmosphere warm and the company engaging. "meet me at the wrecking ball...I'll wear something pretty and we'll go dancing..."

Knowledge or Values

Knowledge: an understanding of what is
Values: a preference of what ought to be

These two words need to be closely reviewed by almost everybody I know, including myself. I have to remind myself often that my understanding of what is, in reality, is really how I think it ought to be. These 2 words are used interchangeably in our current political climate and I believe this is dangerous. We all have our own version of the way things out to be (thank you Rush Limbaugh for making that a title of one your books) - indeed the way we would like things to be often fuels us to achieve and struggle for what ever it is we are working towards. That is not inherently wrong or bad. But let us not confuse our values with knowledge.

Righteous Indignation

While doing my reading for class today, the author pointed out that, in America, women are completely over represented when it comes to poverty. We are not talking a simple majority of 50 plus 1. NO, no we are talking a significant majority. I dare not speculate to the number, but I am angry. Population wise, women constitute half so the face of poverty should not be a woman. It should be like flipping a coin - half the time you get the face of a man. But that is not the world we live in. This makes poverty not just an issue of income, but an issue of gender as well. What makes me angrier is that I cannot answer the "why". Why do we tolerate this? Why had I not realized this earlier?? I want to find out. I want to find out why, we as a society choose to ignore this fact. I want to know what I can do to change it. I have found my passion. Now, I must focus my passion and anger into something productive. I believe a quotation from Rage Against the Machine is appropriate: "Your anger is a gift."

Sick and Wrong

It is Friday night in the city of brotherly love (forget sisterly love!) and I am trying to figure out where to go to study. My room is too isolated - it is Friday night after all and some sort of distraction is warranted. So, I will go park myself at a coffee shop and go from there, assuming the coffee shop is open. I'll check in from there...

So I didn't end up going to a coffee shop last night. Instead, I stayed in and worked on statistics, taking time out to shave 2 of my friends heads. It was fun - I have never done that before and it is not as simple as it seems. Thankfully it was with clippers - no bics here! Less room for error that includes bloodshed.
So you are probably wondering why this post is titled "sick and wrong." Well, this is the second weekend night in a row spent with my studies. I honestly don't think it is sick and wrong to study on the weekend evenings; I must buckle down and do what I came here to do - work hard, but still, it seems somewhat depressing that I am not out at a movie or relaxing somewhere! And I just found out I got a job at the Graduate Student Center (GSC) which requires 8-12 hours a week. Add that to being in five classes and I am going to be rather strung out come December. Hence the picture at the top of the blog post. I look at some of the weeks and the massive amounts of work due all at the same time and, well, just try to cope. One thing that keeps me going is knowing that it has been done before and there are my fellow classmates in the same boat. Back to reading. In case you are wondering what I am reading, the present book is entitled, "Dimensions of Social Welfare Policy." My professor was the head of Child Welfare Services in the Department of Health and Human Services during the Clinton administration. She is amazing. Completely amazing.

The Dude Abides

So I just watched "The Big Lebowski" with one of my friends and I cannot tell you how entertaining that movie is. The more you watch it, the more entertaining it becomes. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to refer to myself in the 3rd person and not sound like a dweeb. I suppose my first step would be to decide which noun to become. "The Elmo" is not as catching, but maybe it will grow on me.

Today I had my 2nd classes in Quantitative Analysis aka statistics and Social Welfare and Economics. Secretly, I could be an economist because I like the idea of ceteris paribus (other things equal). Sometimes I really wish we could apply ceteris paribus to my entire life and just focus on ONE thought or issue. That would require discipline and time I simply do not have. It is simple. Overly simple. I think I need to remember that phrase when things get confusing so, if nothing else, I remember to keep it simple. Next step: just do a quick cost/benefit analysis. What does this relationship cost me? How does it benefit me? Can I truly afford that coffee meeting (and I am not talking just cash)? This is how I justify living in a rotting room in graduate student housing which is ridiculously overpriced: not commuting and being able to participate in campus events outweighs my need for a clean, non-greasy carpet. My room is rotting people. Rotting. I have witnesses. Soon I will have photos. But I love convenience. And my health and lungs seem to be fine so I'll survive.

The Elmo Abides.

Back On the Blog!

Hello my friends and family! I decided to start blogging again for many reasons. One is the $13,000 bill I received today from the University of Pennsylvania, due October 1, 2007. Normally, had I received such a bill, I think I would faint due to my inability to breathe followed by many many tears. But not tonight. No, not tonight. I will get to pay my $13,000 for this semester over then next 10 - 15 years of my life, courtesy of federally backed, non-dischargable student loans! Hooray! I know some of you are burdened by crushing student loan debt and rue the day you decided to further your education. I, right now, am not so jaded. You see, I love being here in Philly and so does my brain. I never thought I would say that I am excited to do standard deviations and to discover that I am totally and unequivocally excited to do research?! Research. Who knows, there might be a PhD in my future. Don't practice Dr. Elmo just yet. Stick with Master :-D I might be on the front lines at the World Bank or I might be in a room doing research and presenting it to folks who might be able to do something about it.
All I have to say is that my future is so bright, I must wear shades and, more importantly, I would not be here were it not for your love and support (wipe the tear away now). Seriously. I will end this post with a promise: that I will attempt to update it regularly and that I will continue personal emails. Not to worry. Just write me back. You know who you are. Insert explicative here.

Exhaustion

Welcome to me extrapulating on my exhaustion. I have been working overtime with meetings in the evenings. My house is still a disaster and I have an unbelievable amount of laundry to do. At least I can leave at a decent time tonight.

Besides all of that, I am doing very well. I am thinking that if I do go to Graduate School, exhaustion will be my state of life. I am really excited about applying to school.

In other news, I have quit consuming alcoholic beverages! What?! How can that be? I realized after partying this weekend that the aftermath is in no way worth the night of fun. The guilts consume me and it is simply not worth it. My sister quit with me so we'll see how long each of us lasts!

Mi piaci troppo

"I like you so much". Wow, words of adoration from my buff gondalier for November. What am I going to do when I no longer have this calendar? What if they don't make one for 2007? How will I come up with blog posting headings? So many questions. I feel quite exhausted right now. We have some serious deadlines at work and guess who is responsible for all of them?? ME!!!! I have been here since 5:30AM and I am halfway done...maybe a power nap is in order. My boss has offered to take me to coffee but I am half tempted to push on through and leave early. The biggest problem is I am at least a week behind on things. AT LEAST!! I have a meeting tonight, have to vote tomorrow, have 2 appts later in the week, need to clean my apartment which is a virtual pig sty and do laundry. Oh, and apply to law school. Doh! When will I stop running? It's ok, at least I won't get bored and the overtime pay is fabulous.

Winter Storm Warning

I'm sitting here on hold with the Court so I thought I would update my blog. The weather is blowing wet, heavy snow. It isn't horribly cold, but it sure would have been nice to stay home today. What's interesting about this snow is that it reminds me of a spring storm. Ususally when it snows in October, it is dry and not so heavy. There are downed tree branches because the leaves hadn't fallen off and people in BMWs are driving like assholes since they can.

Ok, enough about the weather, time for a serious update. I have applied to a few more jobs with 7 more on the way. I am getting a bit burned out with it, but at the same time realize that this is all part of the process. I absolutely love my job now and I think that is because I am actively seeking career change. I am able to appreciate what I have.

Today, I am going to get my hair cut and colored as well as (yikes!) a bikini wax. I will be seeing God so I'll put in my best for all of you! I don't know what has possessed me, but I see it as a right of passage.

And it's October already!

Wow, how time flies! I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, about to embark on generating a cover letter for work in the non-profit sector. I have a fabulous cover letter for policy/research positions, but not for non-profits. This week, my resume and cover letter has been submitted to a grand total of 7 positions! Hooray!! I am really doing this! Once the non-profit cover letter is composed, and edited to perfection, there will be at least 2 additional positions applied for by the time the day is done. That is 9 positions applied for in less than a week people!! Hopefully I get a call from someone. I will repeat the same process next weekend. A huge help has been my friend in DC forwarding me job postings she thinks I am qualified for and would be interested in taking. I realized that I am way too harsh a critic/evaluator of my skill set so having her do that has given me a better idea of what types of positions I should be looking at so I don't aim too low.

More good news! There is a significant possiblity that my beloved Nonasan will be needing to spend a year in DC doing research for her dissertation which means we can be roomies again. Oh joy! Just the thought of that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. We lived together in college and it was great - we just function well together, don't argue or fight...we'll be broke and fabulous with a crazy kitty and a Japanese yellow lab. Nothing is set and a lot can change in the next few months, but it is cool just to think of that possiblity.

Well, I must get back to working on the cover letter and going to various job sites. If I haven't heard from you in a while, write me!

Restless

Things are at a bit of a lull right now. I am super restless - I have plenty to do but it is items that are not necessarily inspiring. I think, "oh I would like to go home" but then I think "what would I do once I got there?" Dishes, laundry, cleaning up...but that desperately needs to get done. I am supposed to meet one of my friends I have not met in a while for drinks. We always have a fabulous time, but I am exhausted right now.

I think this time of year is really hard for people. My co-worker is exhausted too and it isn't like the stress is unbelievable around here. I am handling my sister's move amazingly well. I found $88 round-trip tickets to go see her in October. Very exciting! My friends have rallied around me as has my family. I think it is good that she left because it makes me appreciate how much love and support I have here.

No updates on the new job front. One of my friends is forwarding my resume and cover letter to a lobbyist group that would be fun to work for. I am glad I have some time to prepare for my big move! Maybe they will want to interview me...

L'amore non dorme mai

"Love never sleeps". Thank you, oh buff gondolier. I don't know what to comment on this statement. Hmmmmm, maybe inspiration will hit me later.

So I asked my boss for a raise today and told him if I got the raise, I would not look for a new job in this State. I was very frank with him and told him my resume is floating around the DC area and it would continue to float around out there. I am only asking for a 14% raise!

I need to buy my cheap tickets to see my sis, but I keep hoping I'll have a job interview. Maybe if I buy the tickets, it will guarantee an interview. Way to be supersticious. And a poor speller.

I have been super down about my sis leaving, but am ready for it to just happen. I am sincerely hoping the waiting is indeed the hardest part. Tonight is the last night as a family all together. I fear there will be many tears, which means swollen eyes tomorrow and my boss saying, "are you tired or something?". I already took tomorrow morning off because I don't know how I will be considering she literally drives away tomorrow. Maybe I will be punctual and the work will be a good distraction...we can hope. I don't know what to expect from myself or our friendship. The bond will not be broken; most likely, it will be strengthened. Maybe I am too dependent on her and her boyfriend. Maybe a great weight will be lifted. Or maybe I will just cry.

Changes

I am sitting at work, trying to install an update on the server for one of our software programs and it isn't working. I am a bit annoyed, but whatever. It looks like the server will need to be re-booted. Joy. And I just got busted typing this entry.

My sister is moving to Chi-town in a week and I am beginning to get nervous. I simply don't know what I am going to do without her here. I know I will survive, but that doesn't make the emininent loss any easier to deal with right now. Her move has really put a fire under me to go to DC.

Lots of things feel like they are shifting right now. I am having a hard time committing to anyone or anything. My boss says all he needs is a pinky swear that I will be here 6 months and I will have a raise. I don't know if I can pinky swear that (I am trying to be impeccible with my word).

I think I am scared that I will become needy once my sis departs. Neediness is not hot nor is it cool. I keep telling myself that being scared of it means it won't happen, but alas, I guess we won't know for a week or so. Maybe I will become a recluse. Maybe I cry a lot next Wednesday and be done with it. Maybe it won't be as big a deal as I fear. Invest in kleenex stock just in case...

Choices and The Barista

I am feeling a bit introspective today and am listening to the song that was popular in Spring of 1999. It was the one where the guy is talking to a graduating class and it starts off with him saying the only advice that he knows for certain is to wear sunscreen and then goes on with little tips on how to live your life. It is a great song and there is one part I will paraphrase that really applies to where I am now. Basically, don't praise yourself or berate yourself too much because your choices are half chance, just like everyone else's. My wise friend, Calabaza, told me once there is no wrong choice because there is no right choice. In a way, that is liberating, but in a way, that offers me no guidance. If there were a "correct" choice, I could firgure out a way to discern that and then, obviously, take that route. But it could never be so simple. Black or white. The older I get, the more I realize there is no such thing for many of life's qustions. This isn't a new revelation to me, but every once in a while, it hits me harder than others.

The barista at the coffee shop I am at is cute. I keep stealing glances at him and so far, he has not caught me. I look really hot today, thank goodness. Damn, he knows he's cute. Confidence is attractive; cockyness is not. Maybe he missed that memo. Maybe I have judged him too quickly. Hopefully.

Sono ai tuoi comandi and "if you build it..."

"I am yours to command". These are words I never hope to hear from any man of mine, unless we are roll playing and even then, I am so not into controling people. My buff Gondalier is named Roberto M and has very large pectorals. It appears he may be a bit of a but-his-face due to the fact that he is turned away from the viewer and his hair looks a bit frizzy under his gondalier hat. I guess one can't have it all.

I have a wee update. I applied for a job in DC working for a Senator and I don't think my chances are good, but dang it, I applied!! I was so scared sending off the cover letter and resume combo. Why am I scared- this could be it, folks! Landing the dream job. Or they could ignore me. Either way, it is a bit emotional. Capitol Hill is where I want to be. I want to move to DC and it would be great to have a job. A stellar job. Working for a US Senator. I definitely don't want to count my chickens before they hatch so just keep your fingers crossed that I get an interview. I will apply for another job locally as well and just keep plugging away until one day I have something new.

My sister said that it sounds a bit like, "if you build it", they will come. Please let that be true. Please.

Laundry at Smiley's

Howdy folks. I am presently at a laud-o-mat that goes by the name of Smiley's. Nobody is smiling here. There is a gentleman doing his laundry in his underwear. Thankfully they take the form of boxers. When he walks by again,I'll tell you what the they say on the ass. It is something riviting. Don't get excited ladies, this is no Chippendale. He just put a shirt on so I guess we will never know what those lovely shorts say.

This is by far the most interesting laudrymat I have ever been to. They advertise with free Wi-Fi (that is why I am here) and there is potentially ONE other patron who might have a laptop to take advantage of such a luxury. I am definitely not fitting in here with my red silk sweater and computer. I know it is in an area that can be sketchy, but I thought with Wi-Fi, the gentrification would be well along. No no, I am potentially leading the charge. What a way to spend a Thursday. Instead of happy hour, I am laudering. Not that I have money for happy hour, but still. Laundry. Thursday. Looking hot in my sweater. Whatever.

So I must update y'all on the Renaissance. I have met with the lobbyist, applied for a job on Capitol Hill doing policy research and will hopefully begin volunteering for a congressional candidate this weekend. I want to bust my hump, network and have a blast. I don't know if this seat is highly contentious or not, but it was held by a Republican and I know the Dems are going to fight for it. We'll see; I have never been on the losing end of a campaign and I know there is a first time for everything, but I hope this is not the time.

As far as the clothing area is concerned, I am going shopping with my Gramma on Saturday to pick up some shirts and maybe a suit. I am so bored with my clothes, but I know I have more than I realize. It will be nice to freshen the wardrobe a bit.

I will keep you all posted on my laundry adventures. I hope it doesn't get much more exciting than this.

Sei la mia luce and the Renaissance

Well, I must say things are a bit more up than my last post. Firstly, I have a muscular gondolier back of Mauro to look at. He is telling me that I am his light. His favorite food is spaghetti with sea food, favorite color sea green. I wonder if they show his back because his face leaves more to be desired...

On the the Renaissance. I am trying to have a bit of a re-birth in my life. No, I am not preggers so stop thinking that. I have decided that a career change is quite necessary and what's more, my boss is more than supportive of me pursuing my dreams of politics. I have met with a lobbyist, have a phone call into a fundraiser, an email to the Minority Leader and am going to *hopefully* meet with a senior attorney that works at the Capitol. This is all at the State level, by the way. I took loads of clothes to the dry cleaners, am getting others altered, will paint my nails weekly and am polishing my look. Tonight or tomorrow, I will get Stalin-esque on my ass and come up with a 5 year plan. I must determine what advanced degree I would like, where I would like to get it and what to do in the meantime. My life needs a change, a shot in the arm. I hope this works. No longer will I let my fear rule my decisions (fear of failure) or determine the projection of my life.

I have also been recently informed that I am, in fact, boy-crazy, by 3 people no less. I didn't realize I was so boy-oriented but apparently I am. I am not denying the observation, more like enlightened. As one of my friends said, I need to "stop running". How do you do this if you don't realize that you are running in the first place?? I'll figure it out, I know I will. It's part of the Renaissance I suppose.

The End of the Hellacious Week

I have had a really craptacular week. I get in a psuedo argument with my best friend, the guy I have been sorta seeing blows me off (again), my friend from Ireland who was supposed to arrive yesterday arrives tomorrow (thank you British Airways for shaving off 2 days to her vacation) and I did not do as well as hoped on the LSAT. Oh and I got asked out by a former divorce client, which isn't so bad, but I don't want to deal with 3 kids. What is any girl to do? Drink. Whiskey. And resist sending the "WTF" text to the idiot who obviously thinks I am hooked. I have visions of what I will say if he does call. In the meanwhile, I have a career to figure out, an apartment to clean and amends to make. Pass the Makers.

Celebration

Howdy howdy howdy. I took the LSAT again today and am so glad to be done, I can't stand to be in my own skin. I am going to meet my friends for drinks in a while and realized that of the confirmed people that are coming, I am the sole girl. Crap! You ladies might think this sounds good, but let me tell you, it is a bit awkward, especially since the boys do not all know each other...
I discovered my new favorite element on the periodic table today. That would be element 67, Ho. You read it hear first. Ho is not to be confused with the combination of Hydrogen and Oxygen, no no, this is it's own, called Holmium. It is metallic, and silvery white in color. Here is a link for those of you who wish to expand your knowledge of Chemistry.
http://www.webelements.com/webelements/elements/text/Ho/key.html
I leave you with this thought that I wish was originally thought of by me, but alas, is not: Beware of the deadly donkey, falling slowly from the sky. You can choose the way you live, my friend, but not the way you die.

Luce dei miei occhi

"Light of my eyes". This is what very cute Renato tells me every day I am at work. He's a nice piece, to be honest. I love my calendar.
What's new...Well, I take the LSAT again next week and am doubting I will do better than last time. I wish I could say I cared. I really don't.
I went to a brown-bag lunch with the judges today and of course, who sits behind me, but the clerk of the court and so I am right where they constantly look. Lemme tell you who did not eat her lunch, which consisted of cantelope pieces. My boss did not go with me so it's me and a bunch of attorneys who all know each other. I would say it was awkward, if I cared, but I think I almost liked that they were all looking at me, trying to figure out who I was, who's "side" I'm on, etc. You could say I was intriguing...I forgot I was going to the lunch today so I wore my gold Chinese tunic and black pants so I totally stood out. Thank God my hair is fabulous today.

Il tuo amore e prezioso

Yup, my Buff Gondolier is telling me my love is precious. Did I mention his favorite song is "Always" by ole Jon Bon Jovi? Wow, a keeper. He has a huge arm tatoo and I am just really not into that.
I am sitting at work, waiting for my boss to finish something up so we can walk to our cars together. He is very good to me, telling me that our CPA down the hall's wife works at the Capitol and even went so far as to inquire if she would meet me. Apparently, she'd be happy to and they hire paralegals all the time. This is it folks, my opportunity. I said that I was confused as to why he is doing this for me and he says that I need to follow my dream and he knows he doesn't get to keep me forever. How endearing!
So I have fabulous news. My beloved and much missed friend is coming to visit from the Emerald Isle. We will be chillin over the most American of holidays, the 4th of July. Now, I just have to figure out where to go to see the fireworks. I am so incredibly stoked!!
Well, ho's a-hungary and ready to be done with the day.

I Love My Neighborhood, Part II

I am sorry I haven't updated my blog in a while. I will start off with the recent incident in my neighborhood. I know y'all were worried that my neighborhood might be calming down but no!!!!! There was an arrest at the place across the street my sister and I affectionately call the Crack House. Forgive me if I repeat myself, but I want you to understand the Crack House in all of it's glory for this place is the reason my sister and I's rent is so low. There are weekly rentals available in the 3 story apartment building. According to my neighbor, it is disgustingly dirty in there (hmmmmm, why was she in the Crack House?) and my sister and I are pretty sure there is some drug dealing going on, although we haven't actually seen it go down (in the legal world, this is what is called heresay). If you were to see and observe this place as we have you would come to the same conclusion. So this lady is so f*cked up she can't even stand up, then she is sitting outside, no doubt trying to convince the cops she is not as f*cked up as she seems. Meanwhile there is a man on the 2nd story porch in a wife beater watching this all go down and I know once the cops take their suspect away, he is going to go inside and get a 40 to drink on the porch. Ahhh, nothing like a Sunday morning arrest!
I am sure you are wanting a job update as well. So it is just me, my boss and another paralegal working what 8 or 9 people used to do. The stress level is high and I definitely dreamt about work last night. Isn't that sad?? But it is good too because if we can keep this ship afloat, yours truly has a real chance at having a leadership position for a while. This past week, I almost lost it though, with the stress of work, my Gramma having surgery, and the recent death of the Congressman who appointed me Page to the US Congress, my nerves were shot. It isn't just the workload; it is the stress level of everyone, including clients, in the office. But this can't maintain itself forever. I hope.

I Love My Neighborhood

Apparently, I signed off too soon. I just heard a lovely screaming match about some girl shooting up heroin and the guy yelling at her is, of course, shirtless. He kept yelling about her track marks and she's hanging out with some guy who can't even be a man. Unfortunately I couldn't see them very well, but maybe next time. Don't you want to come visit me?

And then there were two...

My boss let go the other person in my office yesterday. Now, my co-workers include my boss and that is it. The other paralegal is coming back on Wednesday and I leave for Florida on Thursday. I am glad my boss has such faith in my work and my product and am grateful for the opportunity. I hope I can move into a leadership position, assuming we can pull through this time. In the meanwhile, my life will be work, lots of late hours and weekends (I went in today for about 4 hours). I am zapped, must sign off for now.

Ti Amo

The title of this blog entry is the Italian phrase on my April calendar page from the Buff Gondoliers. This month's man is named Giampaolo and his favorite color is emerald green. There is a big gold wedding ring on him as well, ruining whatever fantasy there could be. I must say I am a bit disappointed in "ti amo" as the phrase this month. I knew that before my calendar. I think I can get over it. Unfortunately (or fortunately), this month's picture definitely makes my calendar look like a beefcake calendar and not a calendar of Venice or something.

In other news, I leave for sunny Florida in a little over a week and am quite ready for my trip. It still does not feel like a reality to me and I do envision late night packing on the 12th. My flight is at the b*tt crack of dawn, which is actually good because I get almost half a day then with Cruz.

IT'S GREAT TO BE A FLORIDA GATOR! Figures the one year I don't fill out my brackets is the one year Florida, the team I always pick to go all the way, goes all the way. Not that I know anything about college basketball.

Welcome April!

I am so glad March has passed. It had been quite a difficult month for me and for those of you who are wondering, I did get paid on time so I am not desparately seeking a new job. I had the most wonderful evening last night with my friends and I realized that all the people I was with are going to move away. So I really need to figure out what and where I want to be. I love living in my apartment, by myself with loads of space, with my crazy cat and even more interesting neighbors. There is a whole world out there though and I need to just go and explore. 4 years in one place is almost a record for me. One part of me says that I need to know what my options are, but there is this little voice that says I already do know what my options are - anywhere and everywhere! I think I want to move to the Eastern time zone and have narrowed down the possibilities. Thankfully, I have the beautiful hot summer to figure things out with lots of memories to make and many events to look forward to. My friend yesterday suggested I visit places and think about where I would really be able to meet people and be all around happiest. Good plan. I am going to Florida in 11 mere days to see Cruz and explore that possibility with her. Who knows where I will travel to next.

The Mile High City

Stupid question: Since I live in the Mile High City, does that make me a member of the mile high club or is that specific to airplanes in flight? Things are going along swimmingly and I am trying to figure out a way to ride my bike to work that would not seriously endanger my life along the way. It is approximately 12.5 miles each way from my apartment to my place of er employment (I hopefully will get paid tomorrow, but the verdict is still out). All the roads that I take to work are extremely busy with no bike lanes. I think I'll google it. Ok, back to the ole daily grind.

99 Problems and other ramblings

So things are uber stressful right now in my world, but thankfully it is Saturday and Jay-Z has shed some light and offered me some perspective on everything. The following is the hook from his song, "99 Problems". Here goes: "If you got girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a b*tch ain't one." Amen, Sean Carter, amen (I think that is Jay Z's birth name).

I watch the haze burn off the city and am enjoying a lazy morning which includes, but is not limited to, sipping coffee, reading a magazine or two, updating my blog all while having my cat purring, sitting on my lap. I have the whole day to do whatever I would like. Maybe I'll go walk around for a bit in the sunshine or take my car to get an oil change or lay on my couch reading or study for a bit. Saturday is very much a recovery day for me. I recover first and foremost from the prior evening's activities, which at times means drinks and late nights, and then, more importantly, from the prior week at work, which recently has been quite effective at totally zapping all my energy. Tonight, there is a party that I have not decided on whether or not to attend. Last year, I went to this party and it's theme was tight pants. My sister and the host quickly realized that it could have been called the camel toe party. Ha ha. So I don't know if this year's party has a theme and if it does, and I go, I'll just have to hope whatever I wear fits in. By the way, last year,I wore tight pants, the original theme, and did not suffer from the aforementioned observation by my sister and the host. Last year, we stayed way too long and I think that it left a bad taste in my mouth for this year. You know when there are only a few cd's in the player and you've heard "ABC" by the Jackson 5 for the third time, it is time to go. I, unfortunately, was the only one in my group with this sentiment. So I was stuck, too tipsy to drive myself home, but coming down from my drunkeness, ready for a nice place to lay my head, listening to "disco inferno" AGAIN, really loud. So this year, we'll see if I attend and if this party ends better than last year's...

My music is on random on iTunes and my iTunes player really likes Outkast and Operation Ivy. Interesting. Hmmm, here's an Op Ivy lyric "What was once rebellion now clearly is just a social sect. Are you just upset 'cause your own social clique has left?" Ok, I'll stop quoting punk music and rap now. Ciao.

Job Update and brrrrr, it's cold in here

Well, I am still working at the job I got laid off from a week ago. Our office went from 8 peoople to 3. I guess one could say I am essential. My nerves are better and I can listen to my music as loud as I want. I am billing well. I think I have mostly recovered from the realization that I don't have job security and it doesn't matter where I am employed.
I was hoping for a snow day today. No such luck, dammit! It is freaking cold and crappy outside - perfect hot chocolate or hot toddy weather, not perfect work weather...perfect snowman building snow...
I leave you with this bit of wisdom: Don't ruin a good apology with an excuse.

Last Official Day

I am so sad because today is my last official day of work. My boss asked if I would stay on and work, with my understanding that I may not get my paycheck on time. I accepted, with his understanding that I am actively seeking new employment. My nerves are a bit shot and I can't say that things are ok right now. This has been one hell of a week and it is only Wednesday morning. Now everyone at work is asking how I am doing. I don't want to talk to anyone right now for I might just get mean or start crying. I am in a sullen state and a quiet place where I don't want to interact. For those of you who know me, this is a rare occation.

I just got laid...off

You read correctly, I lost my job today. I am in a state of shock and sadness for I loved the people I worked with and my job. I don't know what to say. I am scared, I only have 2 days of paid work left so basically, starting the 16th, I have no income coming in. I know that the decision was difficult for my boss and not his first choice. The whole office except one got let go. Now I will just enjoy some bourbon...celebrating my *sob* freedom. It'll be ok. I know it. Brave face.

Pathetic Blog Entry

Why is this entry pathetic after seeing that marvelous image of Mr. Depp? Because who can be taken seriously after posting a picture of the most attractive man ever on their blog? Where's my creativity? My pride? I just really like this picture and well, just really want this man to be the genetic donor of my offspring. Somehow, I just don't think that will happen. But ladies, this is for you (ok and some of you gentlemen too). Wow, I go from pics of Hawaii to Subaru Brats to Sydney to ahhhhhh. RRRRRRRRRR

BBQ Day!

Today is the day I have been waiting for. It's BBQ day downstairs and I can't wait. The guy who runs the cafe made it especially for me. That's right, he cooked the pork loin yesterday...ahhhh, this is good, it smells totally delicious. The weather is craptacular today, totally perfect to break my spell of spring fever. Nothin like a little rain and snow to make the desire to drive carefree with the wind blowing through my hair die. Ok, I gots to work on a child support calculation; you read right folks, the liberal arts major doing math. Oi, what is this world coming to?

It's Good To Be Home

Well folks, I have returned from suburbia back to the city. Damn, it feels good to be home, even though I love staying with the kitties in G-town. My cat went absolutely insane upon my return, is even more obsessed with me than ever and bit me a few times. I just tell myself she is scolding me for leaving and she has to earn her name, Wednesday, la Puta Gata. Now, my place needs some serious spring cleaning and having been away from it makes me want to clean it up. Next month is a big month for me - I just bought my tickets to go visit Cruz in Florida - hooray!!! Then, at some point, my friend is coming to visit yours truly and the beautiful state that is Colorado. So, if I can thoroughly clean my place now and focus at work, I will soon be rewarded with some vacation time. I know what you are thinking: she just went to Hawaii and now, more vacation?! Yes, I am the envy of all my co-workers and friends for I don't care if my leave is paid or not. I just take it. Ciao for now!

Sei il mio amore eterno...

Yup, it's that time again, time for the monthly cheezy Italian saying from, you guessed it, my Buff Gondolier. The supposed translation is: Be my eternal love. This month's man is Renato. He is a smokin'good lookin' 34 year old who likes sea food. Mmmm, could he like sea food because oysters are a natural aphrodesiac?
This week, my ability to communicate is non-existent. I feel like at work, in my personal life and even to myself, I can't express what I am thinking, feeling, what I want to say. I just need to chill out, relax and not worry. My friend at work, who is leaving (bummer), told me today that I am the most sincere person she knows. She told me that it is very clear if I like or don't like someone because I simply ignore those I don't like. Wow. Maybe I do communicate more than I realize. That is even more scary! I think all this can be blamed on one thing: the re-entry of television in my life. I am cat-sitting and not only do these people have cable, they also have HDTV. For those of you who don't know, it used to be a criteria that I would only consider dating you if you had cable (I have since dropped this criteria for consitancy's sake, keep reading). To put it lightly, I am mildly obsessed with cable. So I go from not having the ability to watch any tv to having cable and, even more titlating, on-demand so I can watch movies whenever I feel like it. I think my brain cells are dying much more rapidly and that the ability to watch tv has destroyed my fragile web of understanding of how I operate, thus, making me a bumbling idiot, unable to communicate. Evil television. Or I could just have spring fever.

It's Official

I have spring fever. MAJOR spring fever. I can't focus. Let's see how many hours I have billed thus far today...2.5 hours. I have been here 6 hours. This is bad. Very bad. Why am I here? Why have none of my friends heeded my hookey call?

Good Day, Sunshine!

Today is absolutely gorgeous. It is supposed to be near 70 farenheit. For those celcius folks, I have no clue what the equivolent is. I really need to figure out that calculation. At any rate, I am listening to some Bach, gazing longingly at my car in the parking lot wishing I could just cut outta hear and drive. Where would I drive to? Who knows, just drive, feel the wind in my hair with good tunes playing on my system, and a friend or two along for the ride. We could get bubble tea and end up where ever Eunice (that's my car) takes us. A nice park perhaps. Or a patio. Anywhere but right here. Funny thing, I was with 2 of my friends last night and I suggested we play hookey today. Why didn't we?! It's a perfect day for such an endeavor. Tomorrow is going to be fabulous too. Guys, help me out here. Please. It is not immature, it is for my mental sanity and health. And yours too. Hear my call. I can't do it alone - not nearly as fun. We could go to the place I am house-sitting at and bar-b-que, sip some delicious wine or an ice cold beer or mojitos and lay in the sun, then go watch the sunset over the snow-capped Rockies. Damn it, duty calls...

Meet Sydney

My office has a new team member, courtesy of me. His name is Sidney and he is a beautiful beta fish. Why name him Sidney? You would ask. That is the name of the head Bankruptcy Court Judge and well, I wanted my attorneys to have an "ace in the hole" as they say. How can you rule not in favor of us if there is a dedicated staff member with a handsome, vibrant fish named in your honor, Your Honor. And she hasn't even met you. I have posted a picture of what Sydney looks like, for the most part. He has red on the bottom, but not as much as this picture. Sydney is happy, and thankfully, I have a 15 day warranty on him so if he goes to meet the big beta fish in the sky, I can replace him with a different fish...

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Guess what. There are good, kind people in this world. I forgot my beautiful Cashmina scarf at this restaurant a couple weeks ago and finally remembered to go pick it up after work today. I found a parking space on the street nearby, went into the restraunt, thanked the manager after he brought me the scarf and walked out. As I was walking towards my car, I saw the meter guy giving me a ticket. Doh! Here is the run down upon my approach to my car:
Me: Hi.
Meter Man (MM): Hi. Is this your car?
Me: Yes. I was just picking up my scarf from that restraunt.
MM: Well, are you aware that you have to pay to park in Cherry Creek now?
Me: No. (Glance at sign that clearly states one must pay until 7PM). What time is it?
MM: It's 6:44.
Me: Oh, I see.
MM: Once we start entering the ticket, we have to issue it.
Me: Ok.
MM: I am one of 2 people who do this job who knows how get out of issuing a ticket. But you have to do something.
Me: Oh.
MM: You have to beat me at a game of rock paper scissors.
Me: Just once or best 2 out of 3.
MM: Just once. Ready? (I nod). Go.
We hit our fists on our hands, 1-2-3. We both do rocks.
MM: Tie, ready?
I nod and we do it again. 1-2-3. Both scissors.
MM: Ok, here goes..
1-2-3. My fist stays rock, he has scissors, I win.
MM: Have a nice night!
Me: Really?! Thank you!!

Yup folks, I seriously got out of a parking ticket by playing rock, paper, scissors. Cruz witnessed the whole thing because she was on the phone with me (I have a Blue Tooth so he didn't know I was on the phone). She asked if I just got out of a ticket by playing rock, paper, scissors. I did. Thank you, Meter Man.

Subaru Brats

Do you remember those divinely inspired vehicles known as Subaru Brats? They had a surprisingly long manunfacture life of 1978-1994! Wow, I had forgotten the vehicles exsisted until I was driving back to work and saw some creep driving like a total a**h*le in my review mirror. Upon seeing that his vehicle was a Brat, it all made sense to me. If I were driving some crappy "truck" with the word BRAT down the side, I would dive like that too. For those of you who have never seen this illustrious machine, I strongly encourage you to google Subaru Brat. My dear friend, Cruz, did for she had never seen one, and now fully understands my sentiments. It also caused her to chuckle a bit. I have included a pic for your viewing enjoyment

Crap! Last blog MIA!

My last blog posted, then I edited it and now, it's gone! So here is synopsis of what was said: I had a conversation with an Anonymous Friend (AF) at happy hour on Thursday that I never thought I would have. Proceed at your own risk and remember: we are talking about a martini...

AF: I think I'll try a pearl necklace
Me (a few minutes later): How's the pearl necklace?
AF: Not as good as I thought it would be. Do you want to taste it?
Me: Sure! (tastes) Oooh, you're right, it doesn't taste very good.

So I realize 2 very important things on Friday. 1. Mr. Sushi has not called me. 2. I don't care. Damn was he h-o-t-t. Yes, you read right, hott with 2 ts. That is when you know he is finer than fine.

Right now, I am cooking homemade focacia bread with rosemary, goat's milk cheese and carmelized onions. Smells delicious. It has taken the majority of the afternoon to make, but hopefully it will be worth it. I even made the caramelized onions myself. My apartment smells simply divine. Not like cat. I forget how much I love making home-made dough. There is something calming about kneeding the blob that will soon be your nourishment. I also made some tasty egg salad. Yum, in my quest to eat better, I have discovered that it takes a f*cking lot of preparation. Hopefully it will be worth it.

My good friend told me my apartment smelled like my cat on Friday night. I am glad he told me, but I must admit I am devestated that my apartment would smell like anything but inviting. Cat is not a good smell. Neither is poop, old dirty laudry or mold. Thankfully I have rectified the situation. What scares me most about this is that I didn't notice. Do I smell like cat?

L'amore e il paradiso

I know you all have been dying to see what fantastic italian phrase my monthly Buff Gondolier is teaching me and there you have it as the title of this entry. According to the translation, it means "love is heaven". I want to know: who thinks that, seriously.

Super Flake to the er rescue and the frump update!!

Right now, if I were a superheroine, I would be Super Flake. You see, I keep spacing important pieces of information to relay on to others. Like what? You would ask that, wouldn't you. It's more like I am easily distracted. Keep in mind I am billing very well at work, but am quite scattered. You wouldn't want me as your rescuer for I would forget, or worse, be in the middle of saving you, get distracted and go somewhere else, just leaving you there in the lurch. At least I look good today; in honor of the Chinese New Year (it's Sunday people), I am wearing a nice gold silk tunic with matching pants. My boss bows at me everytime I walk by. Some guy in the crack house across the street thinks it's great too. It appears I have left my frump behind...for the time being...hopefully that episode is the lone episode. Interestingly enough, after I posted the frump issue on this very blog, my manager told me that she had been meaning to tell me that I looked really nice that day. Hmmmm, it appears that I am the only fashionista at my office. Why am I surprised?

Feeling Frumpy

Hello folks. I realized as I was getting out of my car this morning that I look a bit frumpy. You know how when you see some terrible outfit some poor soul put on or people with mullets and you think, "do these people actually look in the mirror and think, 'damn, i look good'" (insert mullet fluff here). Well, I realized today that is probably what people think when they see me. I hear the inner monologue of those around me: "Did she actually try that skirt on in the store like it or was it a gift? Who puts a lavendar sweater with a pink flowered skirt? Poor girl probably didn't look in the mirror before she left work. I hope nobody ever says or thinks these things about me." And here I am thinking those things about myself. It just goes to prove: what goes around comes around. For the record, my boss told me I don't look bad and my receptionist likes the skirt, and I wasn't even prying for compliments. I guess some people like the frumpy look...the dude abides.

Law School?

Howdy. I am F-I-N-A-L-L-Y able to start my applications to Law Schools for this fall. Happy, that is what I am because I am finally moving forward again. I also feel like a total slacker, but better late than never. I am so excited at the prospect of returning to the school, using my mind again. I am also nervous because my LSAT score is not what I would like it to be...I want to do a dual degree program and I think I will get accepted to a JD program then start that process once I am in. Hmmm, getting accepted to a JD program, that is the hard part. I have to write a personal statement and have no clue what to write about. The most recent experience that dramatically impacted my life was when I was a victim advocate on-scene of a fatal car accident. Seems a bit morbid to me. Maybe admissions officers at the school I am applying to don't want to read about that, especially since their school was ravaged this hurricane season. Writing about my experience as a Page seems like it was eons ago - it has been 10 years! Hmmm, I must think about this...vacation to Hawaii with my beloved Zona seems inappropriate as well. Well, ho's gots to goes now, but any advice on what my personal statement could be on would be much appreciated.

Look to the right!

Hey all! I added links to 3 of my friend's blogs so check them out. If you want to see pics of Hawaii, go to Doraemon's Eternal Pocket and you can see some of what we experienced.

Grazie di esistire

Ok, so my spelling might be off a bit, but translated to English from Italian, it supposedly means "thank you for existing". This is the monthly Italian phrase the man of the month is trying to teach me. This is the new calandar I bought to hang over my desk and it is entitled "Buff Gondaliers" or something like that. Basically, I am trying to pass off a cheezy calandar of men who sometimes go shirtless as a calandar of the Venician canals...hmmm, nobody has noticed it so far. I'm not too worried about it.
I wanted to apologize for not updating my blog more while in Hawaii. There was so much to tell that it was overwhelming. The other part was to try to escape from the Mainland and not have my mind anywhere else. My apologies.
So now I am back in the Mainland in my apartment with my cat, who is mildly obsessed with me. We have finally figured out how to use the laptop and have her lounge on me. I am having mixed emotions right now. I have almost the entire day to myself and cannot figure out what I want to do. I am grateful to be alone, yet feeling totally disconnected from everything and thus, want to go out with people to feel connected. But I don't have the energy to connect with people I don't know very well and would not wish my current state on any of my friends or family. I am so lucky to have my own space and time that is totally mine. I want to go lay in the sun, but it is not quite warm enough and I am not a huge fan of hanging out in public city parks, alone, no less. Maybe I should have entitled this blog "restless".

The Fallacy Continues...

I almost feel bad - Zona and I are back at our hotel, fresh towels under our bums, supplied by a man who obviously thinks we are paying guests. But clean towels are nice...it's ok I tell myself; the guests who pay are not nearly as appreciative as we are. The pool beckons, but the weather today is sprinkling showers, followed by sunshine, followed by mini showers. We have checked out of the hostel and will be flying to Maui tonight and have an afternoon to kill. Our biggest and most taxing decision so far has been this: do we sit at the bar and drink or go poolside? Bar equals glass, poolside equals plastic...hmmm, what are a couple of beach babes in matching sarongs to do?
I am sure, my gentle readers, that you are wondering about last nights festivities. Well, Zona's dream of landing a Japanese man "straight off the boat" (her words exactly), did not come to fruition. I gave the oh so dreamy sushi chef my number and we'll see what happens. He has been dubbed "Mr. Sushi". Upon an enlightening discussion with Zona, I learned that Mr. Sushi would not be considered hot by Japanese standards, but by our standards, we agreed that we would allow, well nevermind. This is a PG-rated blog. Yes, ladies, he is smokin'. And Zona and I don't even have the same taste. Except for Mr. Sushi. Oh-na-ni!!! So we'll see if he calls. We have not told him of our lustful thoughts towards him; rather, just gave him a piece of paper with my number on it and to give me a call...after that, we went to the bar at our hotel, drank wicked strong Mai-tais, met some Austrailian girl who convinced us to go to some lame hotel club for the midnight toasting. After that, we left and strolled down the beach, carefully avoiding fireworks and dog crap. Our search for a greasy spoon diner or wholesome ramen was fruitless and after numerous propositions to hotel parties and the like, we ended up back at our hostel, talking with a couple Brizilians, a young 20-year old Japanese boy who was quite cute and a desparate Indian guy. Think Van Wilder people. That was fun while it lasted and after about an hour, we turned in for the night.
I am not sure about internet access in Maui, but I will do my best to give an update as frequently as possible. Click on the pic above to see it better. It is Zona and I at a roof-top bar on New Year's Eve. Thanks for the kiss, chica!